Open Post: Hosted By Canadian Douche Jesus

The best response for that picture is Justin Bieber’s leg tattoo of Jesus rolling his eyes like, “Bitch, have a seat.

A quick second after E! News said that he and his on-and-off-and-on-and-off-and-on again piece, Selena Gomez, are on a break, the Biebs posted two pictures on Instagram of him airing out his furry pits on a beach. (There’s no way that Justin Bieber can grown hair there yet, so I’m guessing he’s wearing two pit merkins.) Some may think that this is the Biebs’ way of letting us all know that he’s celebrating his freedom from Selena and her swaggy-hating mom, but although he thinks he’s that deep, he’s not that deep.

My guess is that the Biebs’ cult leader daddy, Pastor Muscles McUncleTerryGlasses, has slurped on his ass so much that he really believes he’s the second coming of Jesus. Or maybe there’s a good reason for why the Biebs’ looks like a low-tide hobo who sleeps on a bed of seaweed under a pier at the beach. Maybe he is a low-tide hobo who sleeps on a bed of seaweed under a pier at the beach, because Pastor Muscles McUncleTerryGlasses finally milked his last cent out of him.

If the Biebs is homeless and broke, he shouldn’t worry about it for too long. Many people will give him money and mostly because they’ll want him to buy some Baby Wipes so he can wipe what looks like shit stains off of his body. And I say that as someone who regularly types, “Tattooed muscle stud fucking a stud while eating a banana,” into the PornHub search bar.

Pic: Instagram


  1. boredasfuckyo

    Fuck! Now you got me wanting a reeses egg!

  2. Trash Panda

    I think the dark comedy was intentional. :))

  3. Spray on abs

    David Byrne is on Late Night with Steven Colbert and I am loving it.

  4. Spray on abs

    Team Trae Crowder.

  5. Spray on abs

    Those foil covered chocolate Easter eggs are equally horrible. Too much work to get to the goodies.

  6. Lefemmenikita

    I actually liked Thor: The Dark World (ignoring Natalie Portman and Kat Dennings though).

    I found both the original Thor and Captain America first avenger super boring.

    In both cases, the sequels were miles better and actually enjoyable

  7. I’ve noticed Marvel has a bit of an issue with Sophomore Slumps. Age of Ultron, Iron Man 2, Thor: The Dark World… all a resounding “meh.” The only exception was “Captain America: The Winter Soldier,” and even then, it’s still a penny among diamonds between “First Avenger” and “Civil War.”

  8. Random-ass thought of the night: Whoever invented miniature Reese’s Cups needs to be horsewhipped. Between that obnoxious foil and the waxy paper that rips off half the chocolate, they are some of the worst-packaged candy around.

  9. I am sad she died but if she wanted the rights to sell the property then she shouldn’t have been a nun. Nuns have very few rights in the patriarchal Catholic church.

  10. As somebody who’s from the same area (and actually friends with one of the guys in the Liberal Redneck team,) I kind of appreciate what they’re doing.

  11. Sneaky pantsuit

    Rachel Maddow did a show where she mentioned that the Ambassador hotel got its name from the 14 year old boy who started his own ferrying business in the 1800’s. He used a small boat, and the other ferrymen started calling him the Ambassador as a joke. He saved and bought a small hotel, and it took off from there. I think there were cases where really young people did buy businesses or land. Times were different, and certainly boys as young as 12 or so fought in wars by lying about their age.
    I don’t know if any of that helps, but I would say yes, really young people occasionally do, but it’s not really the norm.

  12. dr. playa: dire twat

    Oh shit, I just looked it up… she had a heart attack from an LSD flashback!

    I’m still waiting for my damn flashbacks. I never get any (because they don’t exist).

  13. There was a reason he was in your past. Look at it as dodging a bullet.

  14. MsTxnHeartOlyphant™

    Hey Trashy 🌙

    It was a very good film . There were some parts I chuckled at, but I felt weird bcz I know it was a serious film.

  15. dr. playa: dire twat

    I bet it was an after school special in the 70s.

  16. Spray on abs

    That should be a movie. A bad movie, but a movie.

  17. dr. playa: dire twat

    I was just thinking of those today. They crack me up, I love to get stoned and read through them.

    My favorite is to look up names of people I know and find the relevant track. The one with my name is about a girl who takes too much LSD and winds up in a coma. Luckily her grandma prays for her to accept the Jesus. The girl dies, but saved, so happy ending!

  18. Spray on abs

    Oh my. That’s frightening.

  19. Wanton Wonton

    This historical news article may interest you amp.

  20. Oh you just took me back to the land of Chick Tracts. I remember reading that website for the first time in college and just cackling. I still can’t believe they’re serious:

  21. What’s “LSA”?

  22. Spray on abs

    It makes them loose women who will burn in the lake of fire.

  23. CaliCheeseSucks

    Ana Navarro seemed off her game on Real Time tonight. Can’t put my finger on it, she just didn’t seem quite as engaged as I expected.

    And even more oddly, Erick Erickson didn’t piss me off. I don’t knee-jerk hate Bari Weiss, so she was fine as well.

    Kathy Griffin had a nice one-on-one interview segment. The only off-note to me was the millennial Jeff Foxworthy. Did the world need another “redneck comic”?

  24. Mitt Zombie

    Even worse are feminists on the Pot.

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