Some Of Us Will Have To Get Up Before 4 In The Morning On A Saturday To Watch Prince Hot Ginge Get Married

And that commemorative spoon is the perfect thing to gag myself with while watching Prince Hot Ginge marry another!

Kensington Palace continued to slowly milk out every detail about PHG and Meghan Markle’s wedding today by announcing what time she’ll begin strutting down the aisle at St George’s Chapel to suck on her new husband’s face while throwing all of us a “Stay mad, ugly whores” look. Kensington Palace announced that the second biggest British royal wedding of the century (the first being Katie Price’s wedding with Peter Andre, duh) will start at noon London times on Saturday, May 19. That’s 4am my time. That means that the workers at my nearest Krispy Kreme should expect to find a drunken, bawling gay pounding at their door at around 5:15 and begging to be let in early so he can drown his sad insides with doughnut batter.

Kensington Palace says that after the 1-hour-long wedding, Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan will get into a carriage and rub their rich royal love into everyone’s lonely, miserable, poor faces in a procession that starts at Windsor Castle and ends at Windsor Castle. It’s basically just a carriage ride to nowhere that is solely happening so they can smugly show off how rich, royal and happy they are. I would hate on Meghan for that, but I can’t. If PHG promised to hump on me for the rest of his days in front of GOD, I would regularly take processions around the block just to smile at everyone and let them know how happy I am that PHG promised to hump on me for the rest of his days in front of GOD.

Here’s the announcement from Kensington Palace:

The Daily Mail claims that only Meghan Markle’s closest family members will be invited, so that means her messy half-sister Samantha Markle probably won’t get an invite.

Because of that little bit of info, I take back my hate over their carriage procession. I’m glad it’s going to happen, because it’ll be a nice change in mood when I go from crying my retinas off over PHG betraying our real love (it’s real in my head, okay) to laughing when Samantha Markle gets hit with fish and chips (that’s British for tasering) by the bobbies while chasing after the royal carriage.



  1. I had to one day last week and it damn near killed me. Ugh, get up at 4, get to work by 5 and then running all damn day for twelve hours. You bitches better like this commercial.

  2. VaselineHabits

    Ha! That’s were I’m at now, just stay up til 4. In a week I’ll be waking up at 4 for work. Ugh

  3. Heidi Elise Haaland

    I love how Harry cannot read/write and gets all his English history from THE CROWN

  4. I’ll be in all black with lucite heals.

  5. Umm it’s kinda alwaysbeen used to make donuts. Did you think they grew on trees?

  6. Get up at 4:00 am? I think you spelled “stay up” wrong.

    I did stay up for William and Kate’s wedding because I was Kate’s jogging buddy in the Lifetime movie about them and felt obligated.

  7. Harry and Megan went to Pippa’s wedding, not completely unlikely that she’ll be invited.

  8. Man-Bun Ken Doll ✓

    Barack and Michelle will be there. Trump wasnt invited.

  9. winnyfranfran

    I woke up early to see Princess Diana marry that shitheel back in the day. I am not doing that again.

  10. Ha! I wanted to elope, but he insisted on a full wedding. It was in the Rockies beautiful. And he planned it.

  11. I love it!

  12. I watched with my mom. I was six and fascinated.

  13. “Carriage ride to nowhere” https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  14. Heidi Elise Haaland

    I won’t spoil it, but donald makes an appearance. He has sunlamp goggle lines…

  15. “Hugely grateful”? A very awkward construction. I thought theses royals had a staff.

  16. Chad Williams

    MJ either told her he was innocent and she believed her friend, or more probably she never knew about his pedo problems. Impossible you say? People like ET, MJ, Liza, her mother Judy, Marilyn… they weren’t Jane Fonda or Meryl Streep; they were Old School Superstars who had no interests
    apart from themselves, their next drink, next drug, next sex, next flunky to hire or fire, next outfit to wear, next makeup to slather on. It is quite conceivable she didn’t know.

  17. (quote) laughing when Samantha Markle gets hit with fish and chips (that’s British for tasering) by the bobbies while chasing after the royal carriage.(quote)
    I’m so glad you found some joy during your time of sadness.

  18. CountChoculuh

    Only if they do the kiss-mauling thing that David did.

  19. CountChoculuh

    Oh wow, he really is an insufferable, bitter pepaw.

  20. CountChoculuh

    More shortbread cookies for me!

  21. Wicked Cupcake

    I wouldn’t give up two seconds of my precious sleep time to watch this or any other royal wedding.

  22. Now that would make it worth watching.

  23. Uptown James

    Im wearing a red Speedo, white tank top, and silver chancletas. Maybe a lot of arm joory, too.

  24. Littleblonderaincloud


    Now I want Krispy Kreme.

  25. briansbottom

    Yeah, I’m not getting up early to watch this. I’ll wait and watch clips of it later.

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