Open Post: Hosted By Peter Rabbit, An Ass Crack, And A Carrot….

You know where this is going…

We’re living in a time when the ~eDgieSt~ and most controversial movie out isn’t the movie that’s supposed to be about BDSM (although, it’s not hard to be edgier than Fifty Shits Feed since that mess is about as edgy a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs). The most controversial movie out is Peter Fucking Rabbit.

Peter Rabbit is currently #2 at the domestic box office, but if a bunch of OUTRAGED parents get their wish, it will quickly slide into the gutter of flop movies where it belongs. CNN says that parents of children with life-threatening allergies are boycotting Peter Rabbit for allergy-shaming. There’s a scene where Peter Rabbit and his friends pretty much try to kill their rival Mr. McGregor by launching blackberries into his mouth with a slingshot. Mr.McGregor is allergic to blackberries so he goes into anaphylactic shock and has to stab himself with an EpiPen. The Kids With Food Allergies Foundation think it wasn’t not funny for the movie to make fun of food allergies like that. Sony has apologized, but it seems like the scene is staying.

Meanwhile, as everyone RAGES over Peter Rabbit being a cunty allergy-shaming piece of fluffy trash, I’m over here wondering why nobody seems to be talking about Peter Rabbit ass raping a human with a carrot. I didn’t know that Darren Aronofsky ghost-directed the Peter Rabbit movie.

The butt fuck carrot scene is in the trailer, and it looks like Peter Rabbit shoved it up the culo of Thomas McGregor (played by Domhnall Gleeson), but Slant said in their review that the poor dude who gets an ass crack full of carrot is actually Sam Neill.

Peter’s right. This film is an unapologetic vulgarization of its source material, turning Potter’s mischievous little scamp into a wise-cracking Poochie-style bad boy who can’t help himself from dropping a carrot down Mr. McGregor’s (Sam Neill) exposed butt crack.

Vulture said that Peter doesn’t actually stick the carrot down Sam Neill’s ass crack, but he tries to. The hell kind of GD Peter Rabbit movie is this?

Sony needs to apologize for that too. Not only did they ruin Peter Rabbit, but they ruined carrots for me. I’m never ever going to be able to kiss on a carrot (while pretending that it’s Carrot Top) again, because I’m going to think of Peter Rabbit using one to butt fuck Dr. Alan Grant from Jurassic Park.

Pic: @BabarSTV

25 Comments

  1. I was at the taping of his Joe Buck interview. It was a 3 hour one on one interview and Shaun’s story was pretty incredible and I thought he was a really interesting guest.

  2. That’s a long way off saying cocain.

  3. That’s a weird looking horse in the first pic. The dog is cute.

  4. Mostly I like how they had to change the name from ABC Family to Free Form because somebody finally realized it’s fucked up to call yourself a family channel when all you play is smutty teen shows and Cruel Intentions every Saturday.

  5. Lucy is on my list of women I’d go straight for

  6. My happy meal toy was Peter Rabbit. It’s basically a miniature ring toss game of Peter standing there looking like an asshole and you toss rings onto his arms or ears.

    I kinda spent all day watching Facts videos. Facts seems to be Irish buzzfeed and the people are more likable and I love how they’re revolted by things like root beer and peanut butter. Kinda blows my mind that root beer of all things is a horrible taste to people who didn’t grow up with it. Also, how have people from countries with both peanut butter and jelly disgusted by a PB&J?

  7. OG.Straaaange Dirk

    I didn’t enjoy Seinfeld but this looks promising.

  8. Spray on abs

    Very dramatic music. Love it’s dark mood. I think Floodland got me hooked. I’m listening to it now.

  9. Currently enjoying Freeform’s Alone Together.

    “Status seems to be everything in Los Angeles, and two 20-somethings from differing backgrounds strike up a platonic male-female friendship as they seek to navigate the streets of L.A.”

    Esther and Benji, try to navigate in a world of perfect 10s as self-proclaimed 6s, while watching each other’s backs but also calling each other out for nonsense.

    I might be stoned to death for saying this but the show is like a ‘millennial’ version of Seinfeld.

    Between this show and Grown-ish, Freeform seems to be on the path to shed their formally Christian Broadcasting Network/ABC Family history with more edgy entertainment.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.c

    https://uploads.disquscdn.c

    https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  10. How does neosporin help? Very curious….

  11. She’s my favorite. I hope she wins.

  12. Fuck YES ride those lines to Cokeville 😵😄

  13. Totally

  14. Wanton Wonton

    Me too! Hot damn Floodland is a great album.

  15. I don’t know ..
    .all new to me:)

  16. He’s a tall drink of water!

  17. Wanton Wonton

    He’s a cutie patootie too!
    https://lintvwood.files.wor

  18. Spray on abs

    Love SoM. I would blast This Corrosion when doing homework. lol.

  19. That is who I’m cheering for, and I hope he gets the gold.

  20. Lefemmenikita

    I was curious as to who he is

    https://twitter.com/wilw/st

  21. George Clooney is Velma Dinkley

    https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  22. I’ll get hate but I actually really enjoyed Girls haha

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