Lindsay Lohan Has Returned To Her Original Accent To Give Us An Update On Her Life

At least temporarily while she’s in the United States talking to other Americans.

I’m sure the busted Euro-purr Lindsay Lohan puts on when she’s out of the country will return the second her plane crosses the 30th meridian west. “Hello, flight attendant? May I bother you for some (crosses line) of zee…how you say, wah-toor? Wahtoor wiss…uh…how you say, slice of ze lemon?

Lindsay Lohan returned to the U.S. for an appearance on The Wendy Williams Show today, and she spoke like Lindsay, not her yacht-trotting doppelganger who spoke in an accent of vague origin. Not once did Lindsay’s face fall into power-saver mode, as if she was mentally brushing a pile of empties off the part of her brain responsible for putting words together.

There was also a twinkle in her eye, and for once it wasn’t the result of her going too hard on the solar flare tool in Photoshop.

Lindsay was there to do more than just remind us what she used to sound like. She broke the news that her parents, Dina and Michael Lohan, no longer completely hate each other. In fact, they were in the audience, as well as several members from Lindsay’s family, including the only one any of us should care about, Nana Lohan, whose 94th birthday is today.


Lindsay also said that she’s single (sorry Korean Hulk) and she’s opening a second LOHAN Nightclub in Mykonos. Wendy asked Lindsay if she thinks a nightclub isn’t the worst place for a recovering addict to own. Lindsay says it’s fine, because she’s not the one who’s a mess there.

“No, actually. It’s really fun to watch other people look ridiculous. And I try to go once every few months.”

Along with opening a new nightclub, Lindsay is also still clinging to a Mean Girls sequel. Lindsay confessed to Wendy that she’s become a bit of a stalker, and has taken to harassing Lorne Michaels and SNL writer/producer Steve Higgins whenever she’s in New York.

The biggest news Lindsay had to share was that she is supposedly designing her own island. Lindsay’s island, creatively named Lohan Island, will be one of the small man-made islands belonging to The World Islands, a collection of islands located off the coast of Dubai. Dubai is Lindsay’s favorite place in the whole world, but not for the reason you shady types might be thinking. Lindsay says she loves Dubai for the privacy and safety.

“I really enjoy my serenity. One, it’s illegal to have paparazzi. It’s banned. Also…you don’t see people going to liquor stores and drinking and that kind of thing. You can go out and have fun, but it’s a different kind of fun that you have. I just feel very safe. I have a very safe environment of people.”

I’m actually extremely surprised those are the reasons why Lindsay loves Dubai so much. Maybe Lindsay’s new accent is a signal she’s undergone a complete transformation, because that description of Dubai sounds like Lindsay Lohan’s personal nightmare.

Pics: 20th Television


  1. Omg, Dina Lohan either is completely boozed/drugged up or just had a stroke that left her with a considerable amount of brain damage.

  2. Oh god…New Jersey. That explains everything.

    But still…even if it is just Secaucus, you’re on TV. WEAR A BELT.

  3. This might be my favorite gif of all time.

  4. Steampipe Alley.

  5. Vera Charles


  6. LoopyGorilla

    her face used to be sunken but now its more filled out.

  7. Trying to start a pregnancy rumor maybe? (I would put nothing past her.)

  8. Except we don’t fund institutions anymore. She’d have an even less dignified end, as a bag lady or on Skid Row.

  9. HB to Nana Lohan.

    But Lindsay’s problem is that she needs to jettison most of her family, her parents in particular.

    If I were her I’d be volunteering to help people set up their booths at Comic Con knockoffs. I’d offer to be the lowest-ranked PA on anything for anyone who would have me, just any position where I could show off my punctuality and work ethic so that I could eventually start climbing that career ladder again.

    Stop hiding in Dubai!

  10. This.

  11. LoopyGorilla

    dina got fat

  12. Oh dear. If they went with him, imagine how bad the other auditions were…

  13. I was hoping she’d go full Whitney interview 🙁

  14. Dreamboat Daugherty ! !


    I really believe Lindsay inherited the genetic propensity to mental illness and combined with her dysfunctional parents grew to adulthood with severe issues.
    She is a tragic figure and if she stays alive will probably end up institutionalized.

  16. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaahhh ! ! ! !

  17. HorTense © - FKA (Sparrow)

    LOL…yes,my favourite vomiting scene…..ever!

  18. Love the Canyons & Playboy pics reference.

  19. Thank You tho !!! Strawberry Snortcake is our lady of Dlist. Sorry, MK . . . P.Price ain’t da one.

  20. NaughtyChimp

    Incredibly pretty.

  21. That was fascinating. She is so creepy.

  22. Is this his OKCupid photo?

  23. YESSS! I’m tellin ya, she is gossip gold! She is never boring.

  24. Butt hooker!

  25. But we’re totally never going to drink again after Sunday on brunch, right?

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