Almost everyone who walked the Golden Globes red carpet this year wore black to protest Hollywood’s sexual misconduct problem. One thing that wasn’t being protested was good taste. There were a lot of black velvet outfits on that red carpet. Sure, it’s a bit of an obvious choice, but a choice I was absolutely here for, because anything that makes my brain start blasting “Black Velvet” by Alannah Myles gets two thumbs up from me.
But some people went a little more experimental with their all-black interpretation. Like Angelina Jolie, who showed up to the Golden Globes in some goth Lawrence Welk Show realness by Atelier Versace. It’s a little Barbra Streisand at the 1969 Oscars, with a splash of 60s televangelist, all poured onto a fainting couch and garnished with, “But detective, I swear my husband was dead when I found him!“
Gal Gadot also went a bit different with her look. She showed up in a tuxedo jacket over every Montreal single mom’s favorite club dress from 2003. Gal looks like a Las Vegas magician who specializes in missing watch tricks.
Sarah Jessica Parker called up her pals Dolce and Gabbana and asked them to cobble her something together from the parts of six different dresses. And then Helena Bonham Carter grabbed the scissors and was like “Oh, just let me do it.“
One of my favorites from the night was Lily James. It’s Valentino. However, $10 says if you rip off the tag, you’ll see one sewn underneath that reads: Mattel. Lily looks like she snatched the dress of a Crystal Barbie, had Valentino remove some of the ruffles and dye it black. I do miss the giant plastic double crystal necklace that was on Barbie, but I understand that this year’s Globes was going for a bit more understated feel.
Here’s more from last night’s almost all-black red carpet. I wonder how much Target paid Allison Williams to wear half a bullseye on the top of her dress?