Angelina Jolie Decided To Fulfill Someone’s Feathered 60s Fantasy Last Night (And Other Looks From The Golden Globes)

Almost everyone who walked the Golden Globes red carpet this year wore black to protest Hollywood’s sexual misconduct problem. One thing that wasn’t being protested was good taste. There were a lot of black velvet outfits on that red carpet. Sure, it’s a bit of an obvious choice, but a choice I was absolutely here for, because anything that makes my brain start blasting “Black Velvet” by Alannah Myles gets two thumbs up from me.

But some people went a little more experimental with their all-black interpretation. Like Angelina Jolie, who showed up to the Golden Globes in some goth Lawrence Welk Show realness by Atelier Versace. It’s a little Barbra Streisand at the 1969 Oscars, with a splash of 60s televangelist, all poured onto a fainting couch and garnished with, “But detective, I swear my husband was dead when I found him!

Gal Gadot also went a bit different with her look. She showed up in a tuxedo jacket over every Montreal single mom’s favorite club dress from 2003. Gal looks like a Las Vegas magician who specializes in missing watch tricks.

75th Golden Globe Awards

Sarah Jessica Parker called up her pals Dolce and Gabbana and asked them to cobble her something together from the parts of six different dresses. And then Helena Bonham Carter grabbed the scissors and was like “Oh, just let me do it.

75th Golden Globe Awards

One of my favorites from the night was Lily James. It’s Valentino. However, $10 says if you rip off the tag, you’ll see one sewn underneath that reads: Mattel. Lily looks like she snatched the dress of a Crystal Barbie, had Valentino remove some of the ruffles and dye it black. I do miss the giant plastic double crystal necklace that was on Barbie, but I understand that this year’s Globes was going for a bit more understated feel.

75th Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Here’s more from last night’s almost all-black red carpet. I wonder how much Target paid Allison Williams to wear half a bullseye on the top of her dress?



  1. IchLiebeDanielBruehl

    Esp when your tits are exposed. That’s the way to stick it to the MAN, ladies!


  2. IchLiebeDanielBruehl

    Well, that was a save for Laura.

  3. IchLiebeDanielBruehl

    So, apart from a few of the outfits, the theme of the night was “TIME’s UP, TiTS OUT!”

  4. Angie Ho looks sedated. Maybe she took one too many sedatives. And why did she have her body kind of leaning onto Pax’shoulder? Ugh! She is so dependent on those kids for support.

    Loved Gal’s dress and jacket. She looks beautiful and vibrant, in other words, the opposite of the child collector.

  5. saraphim_deeznutz

    This is one of my all time favorite movies 🙂

    I have a Vladislav-Faced Cat lapel pin:)

  6. Thank god for the bangs. The woman has a 10 head. The less severe color of her hair looks better, too.

  7. pitchshifty

    It’s kinda ridiculous but I like Angelina’s look and whoever has been doing her makeup lately is straight killin it. Zoe Kravitz and Viola Davis also looked fantastic. Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a reanimated corpse, is she OK?

  8. Yeah paging CPS.

  9. She’s making Angie Jo look like the epitome of health in comparison.

  10. SJP looks rough.

  11. GothyMcGotha

    Her being a skeleton creeps me out.

  12. GothyMcGotha

    Reese should be lucky it’s not competing wit:)

  13. Shhh that’s why all the women were wearing black. Mourning there breakup. Well done you!

  14. I agree. I want to lose half my body weight so I can dress like her.

  15. Mr.Rogers' Leather Jacket

    Yes! hahahaha!!!

  16. This is a confident woman. Take note baby starlets.

  17. dirk's dire twat

    You’re so right, Cher would have rocked the outfit!

  18. bwahahahahahahaha

  19. She has gorgeous skin and a pretty face. Her grandmother, Tippi Hedron was stunning, though.

  20. She’s out-slutting Chicken Cutlets!

  21. I was home from work for lunch the other day and Scooby Doo was on, it was an episode where the gang meets Phyllis Diller. It was so silly, I was cracking up.

  22. Depressed and drugged.

  23. She’s so damn beautiful.

  24. It would also look better on a different person. As other posters have said, she’s not fooling anyone with it trying to cover those arms.

  25. She looks high and it reminds me of the UN dinner, recently, when she was listing all over and he had to hold her up. Poor kid, already mom’s little codependent.

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