The Mommy Army Came For Julia Stiles

We all know that the Mommy Army on social media doesn’t play and they will rip you to shreds in 140 280 characters or less if you don’t treat your baby exactly how they think you should treat them! Julia Stiles learned that the hard way.

Page Six says Julia posted a photo to Instagram of her holding her newborn baby (Strummer Newcomb Cook) in a baby carrier:

Cute, right? WRONG! Apparently Strummer wasn’t properly positioned (his face should have been visible and his legs outside the papoose-looking thing), and moms went after Julia for the poor positioning. One person came to her defense, saying it was likely because she’s a celebrity and wanted to shield her child from her deranged fans. This is where I would normally throw some wicked side eye and question how deranged fans of Mona Lisa Smile can be, but it’s the holidays, so I’ll be festive as fuck for once and roll with it. Finally, Julia burped out a reply:

It was brought to my attention that in the previous photo I am not holding my baby correctly. Wow, I didn’t expect that. What was supposed to be a shout out of products I like, suddenly becomes an invitation to comment on my baby, and my ability as a mother. That’s the internet for you, the carnivorous plant from “Little Shop of Horrors”. I was trying to keep much of my son’s image private, including, I guess, his little feet. And it was just a photo taken at home, not how I normally carry him around. Thanks for the concern, anyway. Yes, Mothers, always read the safety instructions. But also, Instagrammers: instead of writing snarky comments about a 5 week old, try dancing around your living room to a Clash record. It’s way more fun.

A post shared by Stiley Jay (@missjuliastiles) on

Julia’s Goop/look-at-my-penchant-for-indie-TJMaxx-dressing-room-music of a reply is certain to not appease these cautious mothers after seeing how well she works a baby carrier. DOESN’T SHE KNOW NEWBORN BABIES AREN’T SUPPOSED TO DANCE AROUND TO THE CLASH?! C’mon, Julia, you have to wait until they’re old enough to drink…aka 4-months-old!

Pic: Instagram

25 Comments

  1. craigypants

    Who the fuck do these mommy police think they are? Fuck off and mind your own business.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.chttps://uploads.disquscdn.c

  2. Does “shout out to products” mean she is getting cash for this weirdness? Now that’s tacky.

  3. The name “Strummer” is going to do a LOT more damage to this child than that damn backpack thing.

  4. BloodSweat&Tea

    Right. We need more people like this!

  5. BloodSweat&Tea

    There are nuances, though. A new dad in my ‘hood didn’t have a newborn insert for his baby carrier (for new babes less than 10 lbs or so) — baby almost slipped out a few times while he was walking. He didn’t ask for help, but I told him about the insert and if he needed one he could have mine. He had no idea it existed. We became friends and he still lives down the block.
    Like I said, there are tactful ways to approach something like this. If I genuinely believe a child’s life is in danger, I don’t think it’s wrong to speak up. But again, one doesn’t have to be an asshole. Bitching at someone on Instagram is not helpful (also dumb because her baby is clearly not in distress).

  6. Yes! Same thing happened to me, in Texas, where it was 90 degrees out! She said they were “clammy”. No bitch, they’re sweaty cause it’s fucking hot.

  7. She’s got the busted face like Chrisse Tiegen.

  8. You’re my faverit, Lucille. 🙂
    https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  9. They make those things to carry cats now, too. I want one. 🙂

  10. His quato is named Hummer.

  11. Yeah, her. 🙂

  12. UGH! I loathe the mommy brigade!

  13. Hazura Jane

    When little Wolfgang Jane was born, it was a heart-stopping, oh-holy-fuck-my-baby’s-dying situation. Five months later, at a mommy and me class, some big-titted bitch with nipples the size of dinner plates had been nursing her spawn. When I whipped out a bottle of formula to give Wolfgang a feed, she started right up with me. Inside my head I felt like the walls of the elevator area in The Shining – not sure I’ve ever felt so judged or gotten into such a rage before or since. I growled like Satan was in control at my vocal cords at her: “You have NO IDEA what it’s taken just to keep this child alive this long. You have NO IDEA what you’re talking about.” She had that instant-cotton mouth sound to her words when she mumbled something to me and backed away as I flounced the fuck out the door of the place, never to return.

  14. If you thought high school was bad, motherhood is 1000 times worse. Some moms are the most close minded judgmental bitches I have ever met. Everyone else is wrong and they are raising the perfect little Einstein on a gluten free diet.

  15. Hazura Jane

    Yeah, I remember those teeter-totters – I was a skinny little kid, and some oversized third-grader would always talk me into getting on the teeter-totter. Next thing I knew, my little Catholic uniformed ass was on the blacktop and the kid would be running away. Good times.

  16. It’s honestly a wonder we survived

  17. Y’all should check out “sanctimommies” on Facebook. They absolutely take the piss out of the mommy army

  18. That’s way worse than not putting little guitar’s feet thru the holes in the carrier

  19. I miss that! And we never had a flu)

  20. Vera Charles

    Is she the one who was in the Bourne movies? Or the other one? I’m never sure.

  21. They created life………they’re amazing and perfect, and AWFUL when they get together in groups. Have you ever seen facebook mommy groups? Bunch of C*nts!

  22. Do your have your panties in a twist or something?
    No my sympathy isn’t worth anymore than yours but I have every right to voice my opinion – and my opinion is that people who earn a living on Instagram are pretty nuts. Most of them don’t actually achieve something, it’s brainwashed selling for brain washed masses.
    And if you go out there (post shit), you have to deal with the backlash that’s coming, so I won’t slate the mothers who slated her as you expected me to.
    Got it? =)
    ETA: Is this a personal friend of yours or why are you defending her so fiercly?
    ETA²: If this was a ‘private’ picture I’d say “Yeah who knows whether or not the baby could breathe properly, he likely could, so whatever” – but she posted it to sell shit. She promoted the items in the picture and that backfired and I’m not sad about that.

  23. The Bad Slayer

    The mommy brigade need a to stop. Ugh, put that energy into raising your own crotch dropping.

  24. mybrainistired

    It was! Lesson learned. I stay out of ALL mommy groups.

  25. Charlie Hunnam's butt

    you don’t actually see the baby. She could have put a bag of rice in his place and nobody would have noticed…

    also are you under the impression that your “sympathy” is a privileged of some sort that should be earned??

    Newsflash: nobody cares about yours or any other strangers’ sympathy to raise their newborn.

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