Open Post: Hosted By Mimi Magically Sitting On An Invisible Chair

If FitBit made a solid gold one that’s covered in diamonds, and one of Mimi’s benefactors gave one to her, it would get about as much action as I do. Us peons were given legs so that we could walk or whatever, but Mimi was given legs so that pureed diamonds and pink dolphin jizz could be slathered on them by shirtless boy toys on a yacht in the middle of the Mediterranean somewhere. And it looks like Mimi sits so much (case in point: Mimi being pushed on her rolling throne) and is so used to being in the sitting position that she can sit on air. Mimi IS Magic. She can sing without opening her mouth, and she can sit without the help of a chair. Chairs are officially over!

Mashable pointed me toward a video on Twitter of Mimi holding court around her lambs at a show last week. And while signing autographs on her lap for them, she sat on a chair that wasn’t there. Everything is Mimi’s throne, even the air. And women everywhere are probably pfft-ing at this shit, because they’ve almost done this exact position while squat pissing in a bush on the side of a freeway during a road trip.

Someone on Twitter, who obviously has her PhD in TheHeelSit, explained that Mimi’s magical sit move didn’t happen because of magic. It happened because of science (and the layers of Spanx she probably had surgically attached to her body):

Whatever the reason is, the outcome is the same. Mimi’s boy toy Bryan Tanaka is totally getting his allowance cut for the next couple of weeks. Bryan is supposed to be waiting in the wings watching for his mistress to start straining her legs to sit, and as soon as she does, he’s supposed to make like a stool by getting on all fours behind her. But he didn’t! He’s so in trouble. You had one job, Bryan! No, I think that’s literally his one and only job.

Pic: @MariahCareyITA

25 Comments

  1. Spray on abs

    Her spanx are so tight she can’t bend her knees.

  2. Lefemmenikita

    The gym one is about as awkward as….

    https://i.imgur.com/US6m45I

  3. craigypants

    There is no fucking way this bitch is doing squat’s. She doesn’t even walk. I’m embarrassed for her. She has turned herself into a cheap plastic blow up sex doll. Not to mention the gut busting spanx.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.chttps://uploads.disquscdn.chttps://uploads.disquscdn.c

  4. Thanks so much!

  5. Clever and cute rolled into one. 🙂

  6. Lefemmenikita
  7. Lefemmenikita

    And a bonus one since it is national cookie day
    https://i.snag.gy/sFpnIL.jpg

  8. Bat signal received!

  9. Yeah. There are a lot of nice, naive Christian people in the Bible Belt, they don’t realize titans of industry don’t like to share. They like to consolidate.

    I wish the Southern Baptist Convention or whoever would get behind socialized healthcare and unions, or at least some of the union-style things like having an employee advocate when you meet with management. It’s unreal how people roll over to make it easier for big business to abuse them.

  10. Lefemmenikita

    That’s pretty shitty.

    And these corporations are the ones that morons are relying on to share the benefits of their massive tax cuts.

  11. I feel like this is an ongoing problem? I know San Diego beaches already deal with a lot of sewage/garbage coming from the Mexican side of the border.

    Mexico has a lot of infrastructure-type problems right now. There have been articles in the NYT about how Mexico City could run out of water within the next 20 years or so, and how desperately it needs to be “right-sized” instead of continuing to expand.

    It would be cool if the US could approach Mexico with a good neighbor policy instead of an orange buffoon one. But I think sometimes even the best intentioned offers are seen as imperialism. I have no idea what the answer is but it’s a tricky situation.

  12. Much of employment law in the US is like this. Especially in states like Texas.

  13. I really wish they would come up with some way to watch the shows in order any time after the fact. Just like have them in a playlist or something.

  14. Thanks, I kinda figured that. I’ll wait until Netflix.

  15. Pretty much, yeah. There’s a little relationship drama that might get spoiled or go over your head (namely that Alex and Maggie on Supergirl broke up, and yes, it’s a big deal in the crossover,) but the story itself is fairly self-contained. It has a big ripple effect on the shows going forward, though.

  16. Not enough doggie memes tonight HINT HINT.

  17. Question: I wait until CW shows are on Netflix (except SPN) and binge watch.

    Can I watch Earth X without seeing each shows’ entire season up until the crossover episodes?

  18. Lefemmenikita

    Wow, so that law is designed to ensure employees have no rights and that employers can be petty, pathetic assholes (like this one has proven.)

    Does it have any implications in terms of his final pay?

    Or is it more of an issue in terms of what he can say when he is asked for the reason he left his last work place? (i.e. he technically can’t say he resigned because his douchewad employer ‘fired” him)

  19. VaselineHabits

    Yeah, “at will” states, see Texas:
    “At-will employment is a term used in U.S. labor law for contractual relationships in which an employee can be dismissed by an employer for any reason (that is, without having to establish “just cause” for termination), and without warning.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.c

    He went in to give his “two weeks” and the office said, “oh, let’s just make that effective today”.
    To me, that’s the norm, if you found something better, they usually fire you right away – unless they’re desperate. Sometimes they try to force you into working the last two weeks, or, even better, during your last few days try to find a way to “fire” you even after you’ve given notice.

  20. Unify Normal

    To her credit she had already voted early for Trump 2020.

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