Blake Shelton May Be People’s Sexiest Man Alive 2017

It’s appropriate Blake Shelton’s initials are BS, because that’s what this news is. Unless you’re a Mountain Dew-chuggin’ twing-twang fan of the jolly jean-wearing giant, in which case BS stands for britches soaked. According to Gossip Cop, People will be name Gwen Stefani’s boyfriend as 2017’s Sexiest Man Alive.

Gossip Cop says they’ve got it on good authority (aka Blake Shelton’s publicist got their phone number) that he will take the title from last year’s Sexiest Man Alive The Rock. People will announce their Sexiest Man tomorrow before the issue is released Wednesday. I’m sure this honor has nothing to do with the fact that Blake released his eleventh album, Texoma Shore, last week. Or the fact that he’s right in the middle of the 13th season of The Voice. It’s just because he’s the sexiest! An honor that I’m sure is calculated by the time it takes a horny 55 year old to mention how hunky his buns look in tight jeans.

People has been counting down to the reveal of their #1 sexy man online. So far People’s 2017 list of sexiest men includes Zac Efron, Kumail Nanjiani, Armie Hammer, and 50 Cent.

2017 feels like a year-long prank pulled by a very bored Satan, so we shouldn’t be surprised that one of Trump’s possibly closeted fanboys would be named People’s Sexiest Man Alive. If he’s not too busy tweeting about how fat his enemies are on Wednesday, maybe Trump will congratulate Blake Shelton on his very sexy award. And the benefit to the rest of us is the knowledge that such a thing that will no doubt make uptight homophobe Mike Pence extremely uncomfortable around his boss for at least a week.

Pic: Wenn.com

25 Comments

  1. e jerry powell

    Aw, hell naw.

  2. VeryOldSyntheticBabyBat

    This is a joke? Right ? He stinks of Dollar Store Pollo..

  3. Sorry but if Idris Elba or Jason Momoa aren’t sexiest man alive, the poll is obviously null and void.

  4. Agreed. Cillian Murphy should/could definitely make the cut though, especially if he’s sporting Tommy Shelby’s looks from Peaky Blinders.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  5. Upvoted -mainly for your avatar and name 😉

  6. What the honest hell!! If People want to be known for getting real “sources/stories” than nothing better than to put out an obviously bought pr piece with this guy! (sarcasm for those in the back)

  7. Um, no. Nuh-uh. Nope. No thanks. Yeah, no.

  8. Should be Zayn! That kid is too fine!

    But I know he ain’t desperate like this ol’ white trash looking mother f’er…

  9. saraphim_deeznutz

    yes to all!

  10. Was that him? Are you kidding?

  11. Nope no no no

  12. VeryOldSyntheticBabyBat

    SMegma Dick Cheese

  13. the dick is caught in the doors. OMG.

  14. The silly title goes to whoever’s publicist can promise an exclusive for the magazine. That said, my Panty Pudding Award goes to Jason Momoa this year and every year. I believe in monogamy.

  15. You're Terrible Muriel

    He’s got the sex appeal of a bleached arse hole.

  16. In this context, I’m pretty sure it means “highest bidder”.

  17. Let’s see his dick pic and then I’ll be the judge!

    Actually, .

    https://media.giphy.com/med

  18. amandabynesbustedweave

    Survey says…Not my cup of tea.

  19. Does “sexy” have a new meaning that I’m not aware of?

  20. :sigh:
    I guess everyone has just given up all hope and not even trying anymore.

  21. Putin is disappointed he didn’t win.

  22. The crazy?

  23. Yummmm

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