Open Post: Hosted By A Shirtless Australian Firefighter Snuggling With A Koala

Damn that koala. Even the Taylor Swifts of the wild (because they’re cute and sweet on the outside but vicious bitches on the inside) can nab themselves a piping hot pillar of muscles. If it wasn’t for that sad lethal chlamydia epidemic, I’d wish I was koala.

The Australian Firefighters Calendar is back to remind us that in the magical land of Kath & Kim, firefighters look like they do in porn. The Australian firefighters training program must consist of spending 10 hours a day in the gym, getting weekly nipple waxes and spraying each other down with giants hoses spouting out fake tanner. For 2018, the Australian Firefighters put out a total of three calendars, including one co-starring furry animal friends.

You can buy the calendar here, and every $1 goes to charity. Over the past 25 years, they’ve raised $2.3 million for charity by showing off their hairless nipple knobs and Aussie cum gutters. They also put together a video from the shoot, and even an ear-murdering song can’t dim their hotness.

If I ever make it to Australia, the first call I’m going to make when I land is to 000 (that’s Australian for 911):

000 operator: G’day, mate, what’s yer ah-mer-gen-say?

Me: I’d like to report a fire in my hole.

000 operator: Crikey! What’s yer address?

Me: It’s 69 MyAnus Circle, and the cross street is Butt Crack Highway. Only send the hot ones from the calendar and make sure they bring extra masks and a strong stomach!

And here’s more of the firefighters from down under who can start a fire in your down under parts with just one pec flex.

Pics: Australian Firefighters Calendar


  1. Wanton Wonton

    Well that’s disappointing.

  2. Wanton Wonton

    Speaking from experience I imagine. 🙂

  3. Wanton Wonton

    All the good thoughts to you, Runic.

  4. I’m not going to overshare, but suffice to say the last 30 days have probably been the most unpleasant and physically painful of my life.
    I need to see a doctor soon, but I’m worried about what he or she will say.
    Oh well, it is what it is I suppose.

  5. Spray on abs

    I did not recognize her. She stole my Franco!

  6. Spray on abs

    Was it good for you?

  7. Actually it was a fun chill evening.

  8. Spray on abs

    Not to mention they are not sexy.

  9. Haha, temple garments do look constricting.

  10. Spray on abs

    Well they didn’t wear magic underwear so it was easy to be thrown off.

  11. True, but it’s not fun to explain why you have a steering-wheel shaped bruise on your cheek.

  12. ahahahahaha, it’s done….for now……
    *smokes candy cigarette*

  13. Dios mio!! I just watched it, I think M.K. photoshopped the crash! hahaha Now Marcia Gay Harden just bitch slapped Kim Basinger, as she was wiping off the drink Dakota threw in her face! Don’t threaten me with a good time, this is the best soap ever!
    p.s. I just realized why……Dakota IS Don Johnson in drag, it makes it all so much more interesting. ;D

  14. turtle dove

    dayum, over 2200 comments! some crazy shit must be in the making around here…

  15. I guess I may have to watch that new Matt Bomer show. 🙂

  16. In a movie that was ripped apart by critics and lost over $30 million.

  17. The thoughts in my head when my Lyft driver is hot!


  18. He’s playing King Arthur in a Guy Ritchie movie, that seems like a pretty good get

  19. Wow, this make sense.

  20. Well, look at Charlie’s trajectory after Sons of Anarchy. A couple of flop movies and he backed out of his one guaranteed success in the “Pacific Rim” sequel to be replaced by… Scott Eastwood, AKA Proof Positive Charisma is Not A Hereditary Trait.

  21. In my book not Christian Grey is a good deal better than Christian Grey (I’m sure Dornan made a lot of money from the franchise but he might not get a ton of acting opportunities after)

  22. I didn’t know that, Spray. Interesting! Now I’ll have things to look for instead of actual talent and chemistry.

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