Yet Another Kardashian Baby Is Headed Our Way

Just one more Kartrashian pregnancy and we’ve got ourselves The Four Horsemen….Unless one of them is pregnant with twins. SANTO DIOS!

The toilet that Ian Somerhalder flushed Nikki Reed’s birth control pills down must’ve been nowhere near Calabasas. Because there’s something in the water in fame whore ground zero and it’s not birth control pills. (It’s the fertile seed of Satan that Pimp Mama Kris puts into the water bottles of every one of her koven members.) UsWeekly, People and TMZ all say that yet another junior koven member is growing inside the body of another Kartrashian and this time it’s Khlozilla. The wombs belonging to Kendull Jenner and The Slow One must be feeling a lot of pressure from PMK, because all they need to do is get a fetus in them, and then all of her girls will be pregnant, and then she’ll be able to take over the world with her army. Blehehehehehe!

Sources tell TMZ that 33-year-old Khloe’s 26-year-old boyfriend, NBA player Tristan Thompson, humped a fetus into her the natural way. She apparently didn’t use IVF or anything. She’s about three months along and doesn’t know if she’s having a boy or girl yet. Another source spit out a river of bullshit by saying that Khloe wanted to wait to announce the news, because she didn’t want to snatch the knocked up spotlight from her little sister Kylie Jenner. Please, PMK had this all scheduled so that she could hit us all with the ONE, TWO, WHY?!

“Yes, Khloe and Tristan are expecting and they are absolutely thrilled. This isn’t something they were in a rush to announce to the whole world, and it’s only been in just the past week or so that they’ve felt comfortable telling most of their inner circle. Things were complicated a bit by Kylie’s announcement as they don’t want to be seen as intruding on that moment for her but it is now reaching a point where Khloe doesn’t want to be openly lying to people, and just staying quiet isn’t going to work anymore.”

A hot cloud of chemicals must be floating above Kim Kartrashian’s house from her seething over Kylie and Khloe upstaging her.

Kylie is 5 months pregnant. Kim’s surrogate is reportedly also 5 months pregnant. And Khloe is 3 months. So that might make you think that we’re going to get back-to-back-back Kardashian babies, but Wookieepedia tells me that wookees stay pregnant for nearly a year. So we’ll have a lot of breathing time between the second and third Kardashian babies.

And I was joking when I said that one of them might be pregnant with twins. We all know whose cooze the fourth horsemen horsebaby is going to gallop out of:

krisjennerfourthbaby

Since the Kartrashians are multiplying at an alarming rate, does anyone know if there’s an app where you can book confessional time with a priest in advance? I want to confess all my sins (it’s going to take a while) before we all completely drown in the geyser of excitement that Pimp Mama Kris is going to squirt out from getting people to pay attention to her family again.

Pics: Wenn.com, E!

25 Comments

  1. Ca-ca-Caroline

    Side note; Paul Anka’s ex wife is an absolutely horrible person. She’s Swedish and was briefly famous over here through the wonders of reality tv. She’s exactly the way she looks. https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  2. Nope. Still not even remotely interested in those vapid whores. Au contraire, I despise them even more for their famewhoring game by using innocent children to get their ratings up. What a despicable bunch.

  3. Ca-ca-Caroline

    He’s disgusting

  4. Ca-ca-Caroline

    Medicated and chubby is very much preferable to skinny and psychotic

  5. All the sisters are jealous of one another and hate each other for sure. All they do is competing who gets more media attention, that’s basically their lives.

  6. Answer to your question .. DUH.

  7. I’ve asked several times.

  8. It seems that KimKum isn’t dealing with the news that Kylie is pregnant very well, and now bigfoot is also pregnant … the jealousy in this family huge. Kum can’t handle not being the center of attention.

  9. He has one of his designer socks to fill with sad jizz.

  10. Is it proper to ask what the hell is the deal with this family and black men? I’m surprised Caitlyn didn’t become black as well as a woman. 😲

  11. PinkIsTheBlondeofColors

    Wow you gestated for 9 months? Hard work!

  12. Rob must be feeling extra useless about now.

  13. I’ve been with my partner for 10+ years, not thinking about getting married but we are trying to conceive (what I mean is that I know he’s going to stick around). Still, I just can’t understand how a 20-year-old would think getting pregnant from your boyfriend of a month is a good idea. Or with someone who’s left his previous pregnant girlfriend and cheated with you (I mean, is it possible for Khloe to be surprised if he leaves her before the baby’s even born?)
    They don’t care about the babies, they just want to stay relevant, and this is the only wat they can.

  14. Come on, be fair: She doesn’t look better in the after pic.

  15. For sure. First the cage, then the clergy.

  16. Well, I’m pretty sure that at least the hair on her head is fake.

  17. WHY. I just don’t know what else to say.
    I wonder if Tristan will leave Khloé just like he did with his other baby mama.
    https://media.giphy.com/med

  18. well she does still get her period, according to that one awkward episode of KUWTK in which they thought that was an intriguing storyline.

  19. MISSMEWITDATBULL

    Pimpgranny. Brilliance abounds on The D. 😉

  20. Lefemmenikita

    Khloe’s or the coat?

  21. I don’t even know what to say about these people anymore except that I hope that fur is fake.

  22. maybe they’ll fight over baby names and their family will implode and we never ever have to look at them again.

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