Idris Elba Stirs Loins By Reading FanFiction About Himself

In a promotional video for his new movie The Mountain Between Us, Idris Elba sits down and reads some fanfic and I want to know which one of you hookers goes by the pseudonym Jelly Bean Julia? Diamond Shy, where you at? What I’m saying is this could be any of us. Who among us has not harbored elaborate and unlikely scenarios where Idris springs like a snake in gag can of nuts from the confines of his trousers into our eagerly waiting hands/orifices?

I can only imagine the abject depravity and utter lunacy of the reject pile that’s led to the few tame letters Idris agrees to read. As goofy as they are though, I gotta give it up for Idris because I watched him reading these and had to empty the bucket sitting under my chair three times. Idris could read through Thomas Pynchon’s collected works and I’d sit tingly and erect throughout. Idris could mime an entire Marcel Marceau routine at me and I’d mirror his every move, never once breaking eye-contact. Idris could lecture me about the finer points of corporate tax law and I’d be picturing him stroking my de minimis with his fiduciary holding until I had a comparable uncontrolled transaction, spraying annuities and dividends all over his chest. Yes, Idris is that good.

And Idris knows this, oh how he knows it. Idris is game. Look at the subtle way he leans in to the camera and periodically rubs his hands in a sensual manner. In the story Magical Neon Sexuality, Idris is such a good sport he only gives the slightest hint of “seriously?” with his eyebrows when he reads the description of himself as “chocolate“. Very restrained. He’s working these basic bitches into a froth like a Starbucks barista during pumpkin spice latte season.

Here’s Idris playing us all like fiddles.

Pic: YouTube

25 Comments

  1. MISSJANETEXAS

    YESSSS!!!!! He was so HOT in this video.

  2. MISSJANETEXAS

    You said it perfectly, all I could think of he just exudes MAN in all the right ways. I think I need to leave this thread.

  3. In case you missed this one too, you’re welcome
    https://youtu.be/SxVNOnPyvIU

  4. OG.Straaaange

    He’s easily the sexiest man in Hollywood/British Film. He’s just got IT. Perfect combination of intense masculinity, charisma, charm, refinement, worldliness, and cool.

  5. OG.Straaaange

    Oh, honey. He is living sex to me.

  6. LOLOLOLO Right there with you butterfly. Why is there only one of him???? I also watched the Today show video, and he is so damn charming .

  7. MISSJANETEXAS

    Vernie, why did I come home and watch that video of him reading fan fiction. His hotness just isn’t FAIR.

    https://media.giphy.com/med

  8. Watch the Wire. He is smoldering in that.

  9. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    oh, wait, you were serious?

  10. I fell in love with him on Luther. It’s the gravely voice, the come hither smile, the everything.

  11. Sluuuuuuuuurp!!! ❤️❤️❤️

  12. MISSJANETEXAS

    I’ve seen this gif described as the moment you remember you are married – lol. I love it so much!

  13. God Gal is adorable here. It’s like she realizes mid cheese she’s totally fangirling it up

  14. Nicholeoleoleo

    The accent helps, but really it’s that he’s a great actor and just brings life to every character. If you’ve never seen him as Stringer Bell in The Wire or DCI Luther in Luther, then you’re missing out.

  15. Leaving aside the skin tone or race thing, I think it’s plain old presence for these men, something most average joes don’t have.. and yes, the english accent makes it a plus on an already handsome man.

  16. He’s really hot but has become so overrated, it’s a turn-off.

  17. Straight white guy here. So what’s his appeal? (We guys are confused about the effete Hiddles and post-sex-apologist; Cumberbatch too), but let’s stick with this guy. Is it “black with a classy English accent”? (And Don’t get me started on chiwetelbacca either)

  18. I’m still laughing at the last one. Puff pastry & Stringer Bell. Does life get any better?

  19. Hotmami"Tragic"Flint Stephens

    I am both amused and horny.

  20. Dion flowerboy

    There needs to be a whole series of these with hot men, with lovely accents. https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  21. GardeningGirl

    It’s worth it being rousted by LAPD to bad touch Idris.

  22. Just imagine that voice and his body over you in bed. :faints:

  23. GimmeAllTheCoffee

    OMG THIS GIF! I love it.

  24. GimmeAllTheCoffee

    https://uploads.disquscdn.c

    I feel like alot of male “sex symbols” that HWood tries to force onto us are just really bland technically attractive action star types with nice abs or whatever but he has actual, real sex appeal. #1 celebrity I would bang if given the choice.

  25. Oh he is just adorable!! 😊😊😊

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