I know this sounds like some Jim Carrey-style existentialism, but stick with me here, it won’t require as many mental gymnastics as you might think.
In the mid-90’s, Nicolas Cage was cast as Superman in a Superman remake directed by Tim Burton and written by Kevin Smith. If all of those names were kinds of alcohol, that sounds like the kind of cocktail you’d drink and wake up two days later in another state from. There are only a handful of janky production shots that exist. The story itself reportedly was about a Superman that couldn’t fly and who found a giant spider in the third act. Also, need I remind you: Nicolas Cage as Superman. It was obviously bound to be a mess, and it never got made.
While promoting his new film Mom and Dad at TIFF, Entertainment Weekly says that Nicolas Cage got into the Superman movie that never was. Mom and Dad director Brian Taylor said that to him, the “true Supermen” were Christopher Reeve and Nicolas Cage. Nicolas, looking like an illegal suburban iguana dealer, nodded his head in agreement, before going peak-Nic Cage and adding the following:
“And I didn’t even make the movie. I didn’t even get to make the movie, and you already think of me that way. But I would offer that the movie that Tim and I would have made, in your imagination, is more powerful than any of the Superman movies. I didn’t even have to make the movie, and we all know what that movie would have been in your imagination. That is the Superman. That is the movie. Even though you never saw it. It is the Superman.”
But of course a Superman starring Nic Cage and directed by Tim Burton would have gone down in history as the best Superman adaptation put to film. And the fact that it was a Superman movie made with Tim Burton is irrelevant. Literally anything Nicolas Cage’s insane face shows up in is guaranteed to be a perfect disaster. Like, Nicolas Cage’s The Wicker Man is a piece of hay-scented garbage, but it’s the best Wicker Man. It works with any movie, too. A remake of It’s A Wonderful Life starring Nicolas Cage? Sign me up. A reboot of The Wizard of Oz starring Nicolas Cage as Dorothy? Please for the love of god, someone buy the production rights to this.
Here’s more of Nicolas Cage working some extremely questionable hair (where does the real hair end and the fake hair begin?) along with Selma Blair and director Brian Taylor at the TIFF premiere of Mom and Dad on Saturday.