Nicolas Cage Made The Best “Superman” Movie, Despite That Movie Not Existing

I know this sounds like some Jim Carrey-style existentialism, but stick with me here, it won’t require as many mental gymnastics as you might think.

In the mid-90’s, Nicolas Cage was cast as Superman in a Superman remake directed by Tim Burton and written by Kevin Smith. If all of those names were kinds of alcohol, that sounds like the kind of cocktail you’d drink and wake up two days later in another state from. There are only a handful of janky production shots that exist. The story itself reportedly was about a Superman that couldn’t fly and who found a giant spider in the third act. Also, need I remind you: Nicolas Cage as Superman. It was obviously bound to be a mess, and it never got made.

While promoting his new film Mom and Dad at TIFF, Entertainment Weekly says that Nicolas Cage got into the Superman movie that never was. Mom and Dad director Brian Taylor said that to him, the “true Supermen” were Christopher Reeve and Nicolas Cage. Nicolas, looking like an illegal suburban iguana dealer, nodded his head in agreement, before going peak-Nic Cage and adding the following:

“And I didn’t even make the movie. I didn’t even get to make the movie, and you already think of me that way. But I would offer that the movie that Tim and I would have made, in your imagination, is more powerful than any of the Superman movies. I didn’t even have to make the movie, and we all know what that movie would have been in your imagination. That is the Superman. That is the movie. Even though you never saw it. It is the Superman.”

But of course a Superman starring Nic Cage and directed by Tim Burton would have gone down in history as the best Superman adaptation put to film. And the fact that it was a Superman movie made with Tim Burton is irrelevant. Literally anything Nicolas Cage’s insane face shows up in is guaranteed to be a perfect disaster. Like, Nicolas Cage’s The Wicker Man is a piece of hay-scented garbage, but it’s the best Wicker Man. It works with any movie, too. A remake of It’s A Wonderful Life starring Nicolas Cage? Sign me up. A reboot of The Wizard of Oz starring Nicolas Cage as Dorothy? Please for the love of god, someone buy the production rights to this.

Here’s more of Nicolas Cage working some extremely questionable hair (where does the real hair end and the fake hair begin?) along with Selma Blair and director Brian Taylor at the TIFF premiere of Mom and Dad on Saturday.

Pics: Wenn.com

25 Comments

  1. Drugs!

  2. I have met Crispin Glover, he is one of the nicest actors I have come across. He is strange but very humble.

  3. He looks like Ronnie Dio’s less talented brother.

    “Making movie, bro.”
    “That’s nice. Now get your ass out of the control booth. I’m making art.”

  4. Frankly Cage always amuses me. I would totally watch him as Superman. http://www.reactiongifs.com

  5. also, did the bees get to him?

  6. REEVES :{ I’m reading his book about his accident, sad shit

  7. did y’all see Selma’s face in that when he talked LMFAO girl is screaming inside

  8. 1. Brian Taylor is one hot daddy. I sooo would.
    2. The ladies flanking these two tools look so uncomfortable. I’m particularly impressed with the commitment of that smile on the blonde woman on the right. She’s all in.
    3. Did Nic Cage just compare himself and the director to Toshiro Mifune and Akira Kurosawa? The star of “The Wicker Man” and the director of not only “Crank” but another “Crank” movie consider themselves in the same league as the star and director of classic cinema like “Seven Samurai” and “Rashomon”? What? Nope. Start taking your crazy pills, Nic.

  9. forgot the supes pic-
    https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  10. lol i think nic cage is great. i’ll watch a bad movie just to see what kind of crazy he puts into it. he always brings it.

    https://www.youtube.com/wat

  11. Spaz de la Whoreta

    He should jump on that talking hedgehog movie with Dean Cain, the other Superman.

  12. lol i can never think of affleck’s batman without
    hearing “hello darkness my old friend…”

  13. Christ, looks like an AA meeting

  14. wait…Tim Burton does movies with actors other than Johnny Depp?

  15. I’ll take all four of them.

  16. Yes I swear, I’m not messing with you. I wish I was…

  17. And then in the movie, Vince Neil arrives and says, “Hey! You’re not Superman”! He notices there is no red in his suit and the “S” is missing. Vince tries to tackle him for the poor impersonation, but they end up hugging. The end.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  18. Tan Mom's Natural Glow

    “The origin story of Superman relates that he was born Kal-El on the planet Krypton, before being rocketed to Earth as an infant by his scientist father Jor-El, moments before Krypton’s destruction. Discovered and adopted by a farm couple from Kansas, the child is raised as Clark Kent and imbued with a strong moral compass. Early in his childhood, he displays various superhuman abilities, which, upon reaching maturity, he resolves to use for the benefit of humanity through a “Superman” identity.”

  19. BUWHAHAHAHA!!! Love it!

  20. Oh. My. God. You have got to be fucking with me. Is he for real!?

  21. A few years ago, my kids went thru a phase where all the internet memes were of Nicolas Cage. I loved it.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  22. Nic Cage as Superman would still be better than Ben Affleck’s Batman.

  23. MayorChapStick76

    I used to really like Nicolas Cage. He was really good actor with a quirky personality. Now he’s just a weirdo and not in a good way. I guess I still like him, but he just seems so off,lately.

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