Here’s The Teaser Trailer For “Fifty Shades Freed”

The new teaser trailer for the third film called Fifty Shades Freed is out, and once again it looks like it’s NOT about a kinky couple bumping uglies in the paint swatch samples aisle at Home Depot.

Not to humble brag or anything, but I don’t really follow these films, nor did I read any of the books. But like any other red-blooded American woman, a certain amount of knowledge has, without my consent, slipped into my subconscious. So I guess I know the basics. The first one was all “I’m an A-type ugly duckling who needs to get laid, damn who’s this sexy manipulator?” and the second one was all “I got my back blown out by a billionaire and now it’s my turn to hold the whip.” According to this teaser trailer, I guess this third one is all “let me go ahead and marry this dude cuz I got rich bitch shit to do, oh no did I just get kidnapped by some other dude I wanna fuck?”

This is just the teaser for a film that will no doubt bring in a ton of cash. People are already frothing at the mouth over it on Twitter. The actual trailer doesn’t come out until November, and the movie isn’t out until Valentine’s Day.

I never want to be one of those people who yucks somebody else’s yum. It’s great that there’s socially-acceptable soft-core porn out there for your weird Christian (NO PUN) cousin, or your “sassy” aunt to gag over while sharing a novelty size giant glass of Chablis with their best girlfriends in the old upstairs guest room she converted to a Pinterest perfect She Shed.

I would also not hesitate to take a tennis racquet to the caboose from hot piece Jamie Dornan. And Dakota Fanning, I mean Elle Fanning, I mean Dakota Johnson, has reddish hair in this one. So here, with my own tagline, “Because Valentine’s Day can’t cum soon enough,” is the teaser trailer for Fifty Shades Freed.

Pic: YouTube

25 Comments

  1. I went to college/uni about 15 years ago (time flies…) and we got a god damn e-mail back then…

  2. Eh, give me The Stud and The Bitch any day of the week…

    https://www.youtube.com/wat

  3. Now that’s a movie i want to see!

  4. IchLiebeDanielBruehl

    You mean JAJAJAJA!

  5. It actually started with Harry Potter – first book was good, the rest the ever same crap. Then came twilight: crap, now this.
    Good news, my friend grew up with all of this. And she probably really thinks this is what literature is.

  6. Her Many Cats

    She must’ve been home-colleged.

  7. Her Many Cats

    That’s putting it nicely.

  8. Does anyone actually care about these shitty movies or books. Whats the point? Just watch porn.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  9. I watched the first, but missed the second movie. Will go see the third.

  10. Did you report that you found it?

  11. The book reads that way.

  12. Thanks. Lol it’s, interesting, but she’s my sister. She’ll eventually figure out what an absolute dumbass she’s being.

    *shrug*

    As far as the other stuff, hopefully more people will realize what BDSM really is, a trusting, beautiful bond shared between people, not this other garbage. At the very least, it opens up conversation about it, and gives us all something to point and laugh at.

  13. fun story! i found a kindle on the airplane and it had 50 shades of bullshit on it…tried reading it, didn’t even get halfway…tried the movie, didnt even get halfway. SNOOZE,FEST!!!!!!!!!!!!! god damn women who like that book are THIRSTY for pathetic dick.

  14. I’m sorry you have to deal with that :/

  15. oh wow, i had no idea that was in the book. kind of…..want to read that part now. :/

  16. ……w…what??????

  17. bwahahahhaahahah!!!!!!!!!!! like that bitch that fucked with her baby still latched onto her nipple lmfao i cant even

  18. What is this? The12th sequel? Does it ever end?

  19. playa's dire twat

    They absolutely do, and have for quite some time. Computers are essential to a college education.

  20. Gidget Castrillon

    Funny, I have that the same magnifying glass. I’ve had it for 20 years.

  21. Yeah I could’ve bought kissing or a game of spin the bottle but an 11-year-old having sex with six of her best friends that sounds like a perverted male fantasy on any planet, women don’t have those fantasies

  22. I agree….he was heavily drinking and doing drugs at the time not like I’m making excuses but as you can see from some of my posts it makes me question the mental health of the writer

  23. Btw you can find interviews particularly with the daughter- and her life was a nightmare-it’s amazing people can still function after that kind of upbringing, but sadly it also has very negatively influenced her thinking and she has some odd views on things.

  24. Stephen King is a twisted fucker.

  25. pretty sure colleges give people email addresses now, dont they? and they have to do stuff like get grades and turn in papers and etc through the email address?

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