Taylor Swift Testifies That, Yes, He Absolutely Did Grab My Ass

Another day, another questionable courtroom sketch of Taylor Swift. This time we’ve got Taylor Swift looking like a self-portrait of Joni Mitchell if she replaced Susan from the classic Milton Bradley game Guess Who?. But (no pun intended) let’s get to Taylor Swift’s testimony in her butt-grabbing case. Or rather, ass-grabbing case. Taylor made it very clear and in no uncertain terms that it was her “ass” that was grabbed.

Taylor seems like a gee-shucks sweetheart girl-next-door who would call the area above her legs her patootie, her heinie, her tushie – anything but her ass. How vulgar! But that’s not the Taylor who took the stand today in Denver for about an hour with David Mueller’s lawyer Gabriel McFarland. ABC-7 in Denver took notes, and Taylor did not come to fool around and waste time.

Taylor described David Mueller’s alleged butt-grab at a 2013 meet-and-greet as “a definite grab, a very long grab,” and that it was long enough for her to be “completely sure it was intentional.” She continued:

“He stayed on to my bare ass cheek as I lurched away from him uncomfortably. The first couple of milliseconds, I thought it must be a mistake. I moved to the side very quickly. After this happened, a light switched off in my personality. I just said in a monotone voice, ‘Thank you for coming.'”

When asked why her former bodyguard Greg Dent didn’t do anything, she shot back: “His hand was under my skirt, on my bare ass.” Taylor also implied that David Mueller and his girlfriend seemed a bit intoxicated when they came to take a picture, but adds that’s “perfectly normal.” What wasn’t was that David, according to Taylor, was “very intentional” with his hand placement. Taylor was pretty confident about everything.

“You can ask me a million questions about it and I’m never going to say something different,” Swift says. “I never have said anything different.”

Actually, confident might be an understatement; Taylor’s sights were set to “destroy.” When asked why, in the picture taken of the alleged butt-grab, the front of her skirt wasn’t lifted up at all, Taylor answered:

“Because my ass is located on the back of my body.”

Taylor’s mom Andrea Swift wasn’t in court today (she was reportedly sick), but she did take the stand yesterday. Variety says Andrea testified she wasn’t there to witness the butt-grab, but that she pointed to David Mueller and said: “He sexually assaulted her – right there, that guy.” Andrea also says she and her daughter’s management went to David’s bosses at KYGO in hopes that he would be fired from his radio job (which he was). But that they didn’t go to the police because they didn’t want the event to “define” Taylor’s life.

Taylor’s lawyer, J. Douglas Baldridge, had “absolutely no questions” to ask Taylor when she was on the stand. No kidding. She kind of covered it all with Gabriel McFarland, who obviously underestimated Taylor. At one point, Gabriel reportedly asked Taylor if she ever watches police shows on television. Taylor answered by informing him she named her cat Olivia Benson after the detective from Law & Order: SVU. Hopefully Gabriel will do a little more research on Taylor before he shows up to court tomorrow. Poor Gabriel – just wait until he discovers that Taylor Swift seriously does not play when it comes to legal matters.

Pic: Backgrid


  1. Fancy Vagabond

    From the photo it’s obvious his hand was placed on her ass but above the skirt. She’s lying about his hand going on her bare ass cheek, as you can see in the photo, the back of her skirt is not lifted at all, the fabric is perfectly flat. She exaggerated to victimize her self further as she always does, that’s why her legal team tried so hard to keep the photo secret. All that said he’s still a creep and I hope he loses.

  2. Gary Burnaska

    I get the impression that this creep was doing this for years without consequence he higher ups who either ignored complaints and if not enabled it. So he got the idea in his creeper brain to grope Taylor Swift, not thinking that she being a A+++ pop star would go scorched earth on him.

    I hope she turns him into ash the way Dany and her dragon did to the Lannister Army in the last GOT episode.

  3. Gary Burnaska

    I get the impression that this creep was doing this for years without consequence he higher ups who either ignored complaints and if not enabled it.


    when you refer to your butt do you use the word buttocks?

  5. I’m still on her side in the whole Kim shows the receipts thing. In none of the videos did he ever say “I made that bitch famous” which is what she said she objected to.

  6. I think he’s been doing just that for quite a while and that’s why he was shocked when she protested and he got fired. So shocked he got mad and sued her, a true dumbass. Either that or he was so drunk he was in a blackout and can’t remember doing it, whatever it is, I’m glad to see the smug grin knocked off his face.

  7. It’s defining deviancy down, and maligning the victim to deflect from the crime. A typical closing the ranks response to a very common male chauvinist pig behavior. “She’s uptight, too sensitive, embraces a grudge, can’t take a joke, so fussy, no fun,a priss, a nag, a whiner, a bitch” An it implies that what he did was: harmless, nothing, a slight, something she only “perceived.” Well that loser should MAN up and stop his own bitchy whining, about his perceived slight of being unemployed. Come on bro, it was a harmless conversation she had with your boss, you can get another job anyhow, don’t be a buzz kill, lighten up have another beer, grope your mom.

  8. Yes, and if you think about Taylor, she has these public photos with people, almost every day, all the time. I have no doubt she’s been in some awkward physical situations with fans before too, and handles them professionally but this one crossed the line and she complained, after doing her job.

  9. I said the same. I think he was hoping to tell a douche bro story to his crew:
    “Duuude, a meet n greet with Taylor Swift, did you cop a feel??!”
    “Naw man, I grabbed her ASS!”
    “Whoa, bro! Then what happened?” “Nothing, man, she was cool with it, we chill.”

  10. Gary Burnaska

    I know dont grope at all, but this is the entertainment industry which is full of guys who are total sleazebags.

  11. craigypants

    Well we know what the next alBUMs about.

  12. There are two local radio guys in California, Armstrong and Getty, who said on-air that they know quite a few people who know this guy (work with him I think) and they ALL said he would absolutely do something like this.

  13. Hahahaha even better!! *adds new book to my Nancy Drew collection*

  14. CaliCheeseSucks

    Yes, you can fuck right off. Thanks for getting that out of the way.

  15. CaliCheeseSucks

    It’s apparently her fault that alt righties think she’s the poster girl for a white feminine ideal. It sucks but I doubt very much she wants to be their idol. This poster is an idiot.

  16. Southern Gal

    I think they just meant if it had been someone else it might go unpunished.

    As it stands, Taylor is going to teach him a lesson

  17. Southern Gal

    See I would have attached a ‘you dumb fuck’ to the end of her sentence… lol

  18. I wonder why she and her mom used the word “ass” instead of “butt” or “buttocks.”

  19. The sketch artist sucks!

  20. I am starting to like her after these comebacks

  21. Apparently she’s gonna be in Life Size 2 with Tyra banks

  22. Petunia Van Winkle

    Bye, Felicia.

  23. hurtssogouda

    or you know, don’t grope girls at all

  24. What’s the point in even asking if she watches police shows?

  25. ageofbronze

    zingers so on point, never thought I’d say this but go Tay Tay.

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