Nikki Reed And Ian Somerhalder Plan 30 Days Of Silence After Their Baby Is Born

Did your parents ever make you play the game How Long Can You Go Without Saying A Word? My mom used to pull that shit on me all the time when I was a kid. I was terrible at it and never lasted more than one minute.

Hopefully Nikki Reed and Ian Somerhalder are better at it than I was, because part of their birth plan includes 30 days of silence once their baby is born. It’s one of the myriad woo-woo pregnancy tidbits Nikki revealed in a recent Fit Pregnancy interview.

Fit Pregnancy reports:

“We’ll take the baby’s first month for ourselves. After the baby arrives, we’re doing one month of silence. Just the three of us, no visitors, and we’re turning off our phones too, so there’s no expectation for us to communicate. Otherwise, every five minutes it would be, ‘How are you feeling? Can we have a picture?’ You don’t get those first 30 days back, and we want to be fully present.”

She’s probably picturing blissful exchanges of tender smiles, padding around barefoot on reclaimed wood floors while clean linens blow gently in the breeze on the lanai, baby swaddled and silent in the loving embrace of his mommy and daddy. What I’m picturing, is a squalling infant, frantic miming about shitty diapers, flipped birds and the eventual screaming match between mommy and daddy at about the 2 day mark.

But what do I know, Nikki is clearly a superior being and we average, every day garbage people can only hope to achieve the balance and purity that Nikki processes. In the interview, Nikki takes “smug pregnant lady” to a whole new level. She combines it with her new-age hippy dippy lifestyle, to let us all know we’ve been doing it wrong for eons. Here’s Nikki on why you are a lazy cow:

“Ian jokes that he wants to keep me pregnant forever. I’m a very driven person with lots of energy. I can run multiple companies, read four books at once, and take a conference call while cooking dinner. But pregnant, I’m a better version of myself. I’m really chill and relaxed, which I think is the greatest blessing.”

Four books at once?! Was she an octopus before she got pregnant? I read magazines when I poop and I have to take drugs and alcohol to achieve chill and relaxed. Maybe Nikki has a non-chemical method for me to achieve zen. Oh, she does? Great, let’s hear it.

“I realize I may sound like the crunchiest person in the world, but once a month I go to a studio for a sound bath. The idea is to meditate while listening to the vibrations of big bowls. Everyone else in the room has a quiet, introspective moment, and I lie there trying not to laugh, because it’s party time in my belly. The baby moves around so much!”

Yes, I read it as “bowels” too. I thought that’s what she was referring to when she said she had a party in her tummy! Anyhow, I’m going to have to take a pass on the sound bath. It seems like a drag. What about diet, maybe Nikki can help me there. Nikki?

“For the past eight years I’ve been a plant-based eater. Carbs are a huge staple of my diet and I try to be conscious of my intake, like, ‘Maybe you don’t want another stack of toast, since you’ve already had six pieces.’ Right now I really love cashew-based chocolate ice cream!”

Fuck toast. You can have all the plant based carbs you want and you choose fucking toast?! I bet she eats it dry too. Somebody needs to explain to this woman what a french fry is.

I can’t believe she has pregnancy shamed me and I’m not even pregnant! I’m really looking forward to Nikki and Ian’s silent time with their newborn. I think us lower level, carbon based beings could use a break from hearing about how lazy and disgusting we are.

Pic: Wenn.com

25 Comments

  1. lapblonde28

    I don’t think she actually means there will be no talking for 30 days, I think she means they will not be taking visitors or phone calls for 30 days. Good for them. I know people mean well after you have a baby and they drop by to visit but a lot of times for new parents, they just want to be left alone to get into a routine and bond with their newborn.

  2. yup, sweet pickles

  3. and that they have someone in their close family circle that knows how to easily solve the crying baby situation… buuuuut they find out on day 31 because the person wasn’t welcome before that

  4. Nikki Reed inc.

    She runs herself
    slow clap for Nikki Reed

  5. Legs so Fine

    Ok didn’t know that thank you

  6. BrownEyedGirl

    And the bowl bath people….

  7. That is dumb and pretentious. I do a lot of video conferencing with students, colleagues, and a professional association and I can’t cook dinner and be really present, make meaningful contributions. I have two kids age 9 and 11 and it’s a whole thing to have dinner ready based around these calls that are usually in the evening. Me thinks she is full of shit.

  8. Who’s Nikki Reed?

  9. GothyMcGotha

    Too bad the silence didn’t start a couple of years earlier.

  10. GothyMcGotha

    Shh…you’re not allowed to speak. It’s damaging to the babies…

  11. I kept my two home for 30 days as well..1986 and 1991…they act like they invented it…I still did go the the grocery store and talk on the phone…corded phone.

  12. Oh…that is it!!!!

  13. Agree – mother of three here.

  14. Ford_Prefect313

    And that’s if everything goes right. My sister battle mastitis the first two months with my niece.

  15. Ford_Prefect313

    Matching jacket and gloves.

    *near fatal eye roll*

    Why didn’t the dumb ass are have trekkers on her running shoes?

  16. Ford_Prefect313

    You don’t enjoy lack of sleep and no shower?

    I don’t know how new moms do it with no help.

  17. Ford_Prefect313

    My sister’s DD freaking cat napped the 1st year. My sister was tasting colors by month 3 from the sleep deprivation.

  18. Ford_Prefect313

    Love it! Can I grab a handful?

  19. SnarkAttack2

    Those 30 days sucked. I’d never repeat them.
    And you can keep the 60 that followed too.

  20. SnarkAttack2

    Just her, Ian and the baby… and the doula… and the nanny… and the baby nurse.. and the lactation consultant… and the housekeeper… and the chef..and the personal trainer…and apparently somebody to operate those big bowls…and her agent… her publicist.. the good people at TMZ…

  21. Gigi La Moore

    Sigh…people are so critical. Congrats to the happy couple.

  22. This is the dumbest thing I have ever heard!
    Mother of 4 speaking.

  23. I LOVE THIS. I love it every damn time I see it. Pretentious bitch! Both of them. Lol

  24. HA HA HA AHA HA HA!!!!!

  25. WondrousPoop

    This chick is the Dollar Store Paltrow.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*