Robert Pattinson Now Says That He Wasn’t Asked To Give A Dog A Handie

That suit makes him look like he gave someone a handie. Robert Pattinson says that he was kidding when he told Jimmy Kimmel that he refused to jerk off a pooch on the set of Good Time. Well, that’s good to know. Because, unless you’re an animal breeder or a veterinarian, you should let the dogs ruin their own eyesight, if you get what I’m sayin’. (Do dogs do that? Someone risk an alarming browser history and look it up.) I’m not sure what kind of dark web bullshit your movie is when you’re asking the actors to jerk off dogs, but it sure doesn’t sound like the sort of movie you’re going to see Meryl Streep in.

When the former sparklepire’s story went viral and he was celebrated by PETA, Robert realized he had gone too far. He’s released a statement saying it was all just funning around. It’s a relief to know that Robert DIDN’T act in the sort of movie where a portion of the cast is probably human trafficking victims. Robert says:

“The story I told on Jimmy Kimmel last night seems to have spiraled out of control. What didn’t come across is that this was supposed to be a joke. No one at all expected or assumed that anything like that would happen on the Good Time set.”

Robert went on to say that everyone involved with Good Time is a “huge animal lover” (Hence the handie? I kid!), and would never do anything to harm an animal. He also admitted he was embarrassed due to his efforts to make dumb ole’ Jimmy Kimmel laugh. (I haven’t trusted Jimbo since he lost the weight.)

“I feel embarrassed that in the moment, I was trying to make Jimmy laugh, only to create confusion and a false impression.”

Robert explained the dog molestation by saying that his character in Good Time has “this affinity with dogs.” Ya think?

“There was initially this scene — I don’t think I should say this — but it’s like, my character, Connie, has this affinity with dogs. He thinks he is a dog in a previous life and he thinks he has control over animals and stuff.”

I’m glad this was a joke. Some acting challenges don’t need to be taken on. Being asked to molest a canine would be one of them. I think the line should be drawn after Divine ate dog shit in Pink Flamingos. Or maybe after Chloe Sevigny blew Vincent Gallo for real in Brown Bunny. Let’s stop right there or go screaming back to Twilight land.



  1. MickeyHolland

    By all means, spread the word. After all, what’s the point of being a Goddess if there are no Gods?! 😉

  2. Spray on abs


  3. Anahata Love

    i’m super high and this IS REALLY FREAKING ME OUT: “It’s a relief to know that Robert DIDN’T act in the sort of movie where a portion of the cast is probably human trafficking victims.

  4. I could see him telling his hipster junkie friends thus jokez without them batting an eye but fuker went on national television and said this bs..lmao

  5. The rock looks way better bald

  6. saraphim_deeznutz

    upvote because STAINS.

  7. saraphim_deeznutz

    No amount of stupid shit this guy says will make me want to go see whatever film he’s promoting. Thanks for playing!

  8. craigypants

    It was a joke. Or was it. these people are satanists.
    nothing would surprise me.

  9. IchLiebeDanielBruehl

    Those spoiled fuckers…

  10. IchLiebeDanielBruehl

    BC it’s Rob himself

  11. IchLiebeDanielBruehl

    Hey Robert!

  12. IchLiebeDanielBruehl

    Chloe is appropriate for every recent dListed entry.

  13. Remember the days when we just ignored these people and let them entertain us?

  14. FFSstoptalking

    Well, any gals sporting residual Twatlight lady boners for this dude should really let it go because he is a stone cold freak. Lock up yo dogs and hide your puppies!

  15. This whole thread…. https://uploads.disquscdn.c

    (I love it)

  16. Pretty much…their lives are just as boring and they have nothing to talk about…

  17. Has the word joke changed its meaning since I last looked? As I recall, jokes are supposed to be funny and entertaining, not weird and creepifying.


    People have clearly forgotten what an actual joke is supposed to be.

  19. No cupcakes! No handjob either!


  20. Is it celebs-telling-alarming-stories-about-kids/dogs-then making-half-assed-attempts-at-calling-it-a-joke-week?

  21. sweetsamuel

    He really just needs to go away.

  22. Trash Panda

    Why would he say that? That’s not funny, it’s psycho.

  23. He really doesn’t know how to tell a joke.

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