A Now Hatless Caitlyn Jenner Claims She Hates Trump

Since 2016’s “Well, It Was Nice While It Lasted“- themed election, celebrity transgender woman and automotive death dealer, Caitlyn Jenner, has received side-eyes for being a Trump apologist. The side-eyes have now become a “is this bitch for real?” full-on glare. Caitlyn was recently spotted wearing one of those “Make America Great Againasshole-identifier ballcaps. President Donald Trump recently announced his intention to ban transgendered people from serving in the US military. Hence, it’s good that Caitlyn was wearing her asshole-identifier, so there was no mistake.

Caitlyn defended herself to TMZ and told this loooonnggg, convoluted, bullshit-scented story about why she wore the hat and how she actually despises Trump. She’s blaming golf lust, Starbucks, and her purse. Be careful not to break a nail while furiously pressing the button marked “damage control,” lady.

Caitlyn is claiming that she was rushing around her place trying to get ready to play golf. But, seeing as she planned on taking her 1960 vintage convertible there, she needed to protect her hair. Instead of doing what most conservative Republican ladies do and shellac that shit into a beehive using copious amounts of hairspray and red state witchcraft, she went for a ball cap. (Which is weird, because she probably had hat head when she got there?)

Caitlyn says that she just grabbed a random cap out of her closet, and neglected to look at the lie emblazoned on the front in tacky lettering. She got to the course, and switched to her golf visor, and left the hat in the car. She got some balls in holes, and then went to go her herself a latte. That’s when she claims she saw what was on the hat and was beside herself!

She tells us she was horrified because she now detests Trump after he tweeted about the military transgender ban. Caitlyn says, “What he’s doing to our community is absolutely f***ing awful.”

Uh huh. Hair, however, MUST be protected and a golf visor doesn’t afford such protection. So she put the MAGA hat back on and then switched it out for the golf visor when she was a mile from Starbucks. Latte clutched in her dusky rose-manicured hands, she exited. Caitlyn switched BACK to the MAGA hat (to keep protecting her hair, of course) and began driving home. That’s when she realized she had left her purse back at Starbucks! It contained her phone, so she rushed back. She was so distracted worrying about her purse that she forgot to doff the MAGA cap! She wore it back to Starbucks and then on the drive back home, and that’s when she got papped wearing it. That breathless story has caused me to heavily pant!

Caitlyn claims that she plans to either burn the cap or sign it and auction it off for transgender causes. She also made a public apology. She says:

“I apologize to all of the trans community. I made a mistake. I will never do it again and I’m getting rid of the hat.”

zzzzzzzzzAre you asleep? How dare you nod off during this riveting tale! Someone tell Ms. Jenner that, if you’re going to lie, you keep it short and as close to the truth as possible. I mean, she had multiple locations, costume changes, and varied emotional states. You expected a chapter about the cops pulling her over or the hat becoming cemented to her head due to a birdshit mishap. Keep it simple, stupid.

Pic: WENN

25 Comments

  1. I always get Mason Verger (Silence of the Lambs) vibes from her..could be the nose or that nasal tone in her voice.

  2. SideshowBoob

    I’m still pissed off at people who said she resembles the divine Jessica Lange. Bitch isn’t even worthy of being snubbed by JL on the red carpet.

  3. CaliCheeseSucks

    A better look than what Kait is sporting.

  4. CaliCheeseSucks

    I don’t think that’s what Trump meant by ‘winning’ 😉

  5. CaliCheeseSucks

    Ohhhh 13 whole comments since March 2016.

    This is what we call a “Sleeper Sock.”

  6. CaliCheeseSucks

    Oh FUCK this lying, opportunistic sack of human waste.

    http://i.imgur.com/KNvAvjK.gif

  7. craigypants

    She is so pathetic. Trans is her excuse for shopping, makeup, clothes. No idea. She is a moron.

  8. raincoaster

    Anyone stupid enough to buy a MAGA hat but intelligent enough to eventually realize that was stupid should have burned the damn thing. Is she becoming stupider or something? Do we need an elder intervention?

  9. SnarkAttack2

    “Keep it simple, stupid.”
    Right??
    As a celebrity she had a built in excuse: most people think celebrities are pretty stupid to begin with.
    ( And in her case there’s a lot of evidence to back that assumption up. ) So there’s any number of simple excuses that would have worked, including:
    “Hat? What hat?”
    “That wasn’t me.”
    “MAGA? Oh I thought it said SMEGMA”
    “You mean my Morons Against America hat? What? What do you mean that doesn’t spell MAGA?”

  10. Original Putas

    Amen! You need to write a book because I’d buy it and my lazy ass can’t even be bothered to huff and puff to the bookstore but for you, I would.

  11. Original Putas

    No, but wigs do.

  12. What do you expect from a man who things he’s a woman? Rational behaviour?

  13. Because he IS a wealthy privileged white man.

  14. He’s not a lady. He’s a man who thinks he’s a woman.

  15. LoopyGorilla

    shut the fuck up you privileged bitch.
    “oops daisies i made a mistake hahaha”

    its easy for you to say that because you capitalise on and rode off the back of your step daughter’s urinal boomerang dick porn video.
    you live in a fantasy world of being a woman, your mentality is like a 6 year old playing with barbies.
    its all about dress up in dresses and putting on makeup and having tea parties.

    but other people don’t have the same luxury of playing dress up and having tea parties, they live with struggles of transitioning.

    so no.
    you don’t get to play that “oops i made a mistake. Can we be best friends again? I drew a weettle love heart, pwwease…” card.

    because you are a cunt, Cuntlyn Jennerk.

  16. at least she didn’t kill anyone driving home.

  17. sofster101

    Can this family of freaks disappear already!

  18. ihaveachiponmyshoulder

    Her stylist needs a wake up call.

  19. ihaveachiponmyshoulder

    I can understand how a dad could carlelessly pick up a hat to wear (my dad owns hundreds).. but still >_>

  20. Now she’s just trying to insult our intelligence. Come on now, try harder with your convoluted BS story. *yawn*
    https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  21. Jello® Butt fka llkroll

    *applause*

  22. Is this thing melting ???? https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  23. Juan Carlos

    I wonder if there is any chance that when O.J. is released he’s going to get together with Jenner, and you know that shit is not going to end well, but will probably be a ratings bonanza for Ryan Seacrest or one of those fuckers.

  24. Locutus_of_Brooklyn

    I think it’s originally from the military or computer science…too lazeballs to Google. 😉

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