Fumigate The Smoosh Room, “Jersey Shore” Is Coming Back

The black mark on many a New Jersey resident’s soul is MTV’s old reality series, Jersey Shore. The true-to-life tales of a wild pack of bronzed goons and goblinettes sharing a rental and getting wasted, tanning themselves to a crisp, and physically assaulting one another inadvertently became a cultural phenomenon! Catchphrases were coined. Gnarly abs were celebrated. Everyone came to assume that any New Jersey resident under 40 was either an overly tanned juice-head compensating for sub-standard genitals with violence, or a drunken human halter-top ready to rake her nails down your face at a moment’s notice. They finally vacated the shore in December of 2012.

But, like every single other property in Hollywood, nothing stays canceled forever. (Unless you’re Hannibal. No, they can’t bring THAT show back, but they’ll revive THIS pile of shit. But I’m not bitter…) The cast will return in a “docu-series” called Jersey Shore: Reunion Road Trip on the E! network. The Hollywood Reporter says that a planned reunion for the cast was extended into a multi-episode journey that’s sure to be full of wistful reminiscing and many rounds of Mind Erasers.

The cast drives down memory lane, making familiar stops along the way — sharing stories, revisiting hot spots and catching up on each other’s current lives. Viewers will follow the lifelong friends as they come together to gossip about each other’s lives, what has been said about them in the press, the juiciest moments and stories from behind the scenes that we never saw, and most of all talk about the pop culture hit that has bonded them forever.

The pilot episode will be the actual reunion. What’s truly chilling, is that E! is also considering “exploring both unscripted and scripted series casts as possibilities for future episodes.” Well, it’s not like this is Clockwork Orange and someone is prying my eyes open and FORCING me to watch this mess. E! is already Kardashian HQ, so my policy when it comes to that channel is already “better to remove your eyes with a rusty spoon.

Pic: WENN

25 Comments

  1. Why do I find this hysterically funny?
    I have no idea, I’ve never even watched the show, but this comment is giving me life tonight.

  2. Screw this – bring back Spyder Games!

  3. Let’s not and say we did 🙄

  4. craigypants

    lower and lower. thats the new goal.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  5. Upside-down Flower

    I want that job at E!. I can look at old tv guides for reality shows and pick one to revisit just as easily. Not really a job, more like a disservice to humanity, I’m sure the money more than compensates the brain cells that I would lose to working for E! and surrounded by such lightening rods of talent seekers (aka, people who couldn’t get better jobs).

  6. They must be all out of money. We know the Situation is.

  7. The end of Daria was mine.

  8. Oh Jesus take the wheel, if they’re both single and on the same show https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  9. He is single. I don’t know about Sammi.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  10. Detective Latoya's Monocle

    But what if…

    She is truly of Italian ethnicity, however, by circumstances beyond her control, just happened to be bourne in the country of Chile, rather than say… oh, China or the state of NJ?

  11. So he’s single?? Yikes! Is Sammi?? This could be a disaster

  12. Typical doormat. Never blames the man. Asshole

  13. Detective Latoya's Monocle

    “The Real World (the single digit years) […]”

    Do you even know when the first RW show was aired?

    Becos, if I recall, a single digit would be from the numbers 0-9…

    And RW premiered in 1992.

  14. Immodest Goddess

    Because the world isn’t dumb enough 🙄

  15. I didn’t watch this shit show then and I def won’t now. At least MTV took “music television” off their logo since they have nothing to do with music for years.

  16. All the yes to your rant about Hannibal.

  17. Jello® Butt fka llkroll

    Dirty little hampsters.

  18. Jello® Butt fka llkroll

    A co worker and I who watched it (both 51) call it “our secret shame.”

  19. Jello® Butt fka llkroll

    Thank you!!! But I suppose it feels like lifelong in interweb years.

  20. Catherine

    And the moron instead of blaming Ron, blamed Jenny and Snooki.

  21. Catherine

    In the first season, after that I regained my senses.

    https://rafaelmartel.files….

  22. Depp Mouth

    And Rhode Island.

  23. 🇺🇸ℱїḓḓℓεÐεεÐεe🇺🇸

    Same, made me feel like a fucking super hero, killing it in real life.

  24. 🇺🇸ℱїḓḓℓεÐεεÐεe🇺🇸

    That was the Situation if I’m not confused.

  25. 🇺🇸ℱїḓḓℓεÐεεÐεe🇺🇸

    I loved the Real World but it definitely had a shelf life.

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