Originality Is Over: Spider-Man Is Tapping Mary Jane Again

The only thing that’s more exhausted than a casino cocktail waitress when I’m at the penny slots (heyyyy, big spendahhhhh!) is the Spider-Man franchise. So it only makes sense this Spider-Man media tour would also reboot the old “the co-stars might be dry humping” story. People reports Spider-Man: Homecoming star Zendaya is helping co-star Tom Holland shoot more than spiderwebs out of his canister, as the two have been dating while filming.

A source told People:

“They’ve been super careful to keep it private and out of the public eye but they’ve gone on vacations with each other and try and spend as much time as possible with one another.”

Awe, that sounds so nice, but Giuliana Rancic‘s BFF slapped back on Twitter, saying Spidey hadn’t taken her to so much as a goblin’s lair:

While Zendaya ignores that $18M Brazilian Airbnb vacay she took last year, another source snitched to People:

“They’re both really ambitious and they challenge each other — but, most importantly, they make each other crack up. They seem to have a really similar sense of humor and love joking around together. They have great banter back and forth.”

Yes, but what do they think about Dodd-Frank repeal, source?! That’s what we all really want to know! I get it, ever since I saw Tobey Maguire buff up for his turn on the Spidey throne, I’ve gotten the tingles anytime I saw a dude in red, which has really posed a problem in Target. Apparently Emma Stone was the same way, because that’s how she and Andrew Garfield started to boink.

Fret not, Z! Using the Goldilocks school of thought, the first Spider-Man was a Pussy Posse member. BLECH! Too Horny! Spider-Man 2 was gay, non-practicing. ICK! (but same here…ok, fine. An uncomfortable amount of practicing.) Too Confusing! Your Spider-Man is Billy Elliot! Also kinda gay, but juuuuust right!

Pic: Wenn.com

25 Comments

  1. J_Doe5686

    Preach!

  2. craigypants
  3. LoopyGorilla

    thats the same pose i make when im with my gurrrlllfriend who I am so inlove with.
    bitch please.
    that pose is more distant than the divide between North and South Korea.
    tom, girl, we know, you like dick.
    i like dick. you like dick.
    just admit it.
    we like dick.

  4. Nikki D'avignon

    Well, I guess Tom’s people made her the best offer, because if the blinds are to be believed, she was negotiating to be Odell B’s beard (along with some other rando’s beard) by the end of the Summer.

    So…yay for true love?!

  5. J_Doe5686

    He’s not straight! Nothing wrong with that but who said he was anything but straight?

  6. Upside-down Flower

    I agree! Those were the good old days. After the ‘Not Ready for Primetime Players’, SNL went down hill.

  7. Upside-down Flower

    Showmance. Good new word.

  8. Upside-down Flower

    He looks really miserable and forced to pose with someone who is smiling.

    I don’t believe they make each other crack up.

    I also don’t believe she hasn’t been on a vacation in years.

  9. FunkAnarchy84 Ⓐ

    Apparently she is. I forgot who’s the name of the girlfriend in this movie.

  10. FunkAnarchy84 Ⓐ

    Maybe but he’s part of the Pussy Posse so whatever with him lol

  11. morejoy68

    My interpretation is this is a deliberate effort to make him seem straight.

  12. Ana Bolena

    I think he was the best spiderman but he’s such an asshole

  13. Ana Bolena

    She’s too good for Efron, even for a showmance. She should stick with Spiderman. He seems less of an asshole hahah

  14. Holland did the theater version of Billy Elliot too.

  15. Allison Auld

    Funny post, C.J.!

  16. LookieLookie

    He looks like Jamie Bell.

  17. Immodest Goddess

    She is ALWAYS the motherfucking victim.

    Jesus! https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  18. Immodest Goddess

    I am already so tired of this trick.

  19. I saw this trailer
    https://youtu.be/EodWwczRIe4
    and I’m pretty sure Zendaya will be doing Zac Efron soon.

  20. Ana Bolena

    Nice couple! Let’s hope it’s not just another studio showmance!

  21. scandalous

    You need to watch him perform “umbrella” on lip sync battle. Dude has serious moves and is so cute

  22. scandalous

    I’ve been in love with this cutie since he KILLED IT on Lip Sync Battle. I think they’re adorable together so good for them if its true. *shrug*

  23. Andromeda_Deadface

    I thought I read something recently that he was gay, but maybe I’m wrong. I went to see this movie last weekend and really enjoyed it. I think if this kid doesn’t get typecast he should have a career as he’s a decent actor. I liked him a lot in The Impossible.

  24. Bruinschick

    What the ever loving FUCK is she wearing? I’ve seen two year olds who can pull together a better ensem than this.

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