Open Post: Hosted By New Hampshire Teaching The Other 49 States That Gay Is The Only Way To Take Your Coffee!

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Teatotaller, a coffee shop in Somersworth, New Hampshire, spent its first big ad buy on a billboard telling guests the Maine border wasn’t the only thing its coffee drinkers liked to straddle! The java house labels itself as “an oasis of queer, hipster tea, coffee, and pastry goodness,” and if their magic espresso beans and accoutrements make me look like the guy in their billboard, I’ll take three of each!

The people of Somersworth have been clutching their pearls and assholes ever since the billboard went up, and many negative comments hit a Facebook post discussing the ad. Somersworth’s mayor said the billboard may have pushed limits, but, like, First Amendment, betchezzz (I’m paraphrasing). HuffPost said Teatotaller’s owners Emmett Soldati and Palana Belken defended the billboard and praised their model, 18-year-old Michael Cummings, for his “self-confidence, flair and fabulousness.

Michael, seen in the ad holding a breakfast sandwich that immediately combusted from not being able to cope with his sexy Pink Panther eye shadow, popped by social media and showed the haters who is boss by writing, “As I am the person featured in this ad, all I have to say is times are changing and your views need to be changing with them.” He then Zorro snapped and was seen crossing into Maine to the Talbots at the nearby Kittery Outlets to look for a pair of sensible heels for P-town next weekend. Oh, I’m the only one who does that? Shit.

Photo: Teatotaller via HuffPost

25 Comments

  1. BlairBear

    There publicists may very well have set them up but maybe the sex is good or maybe they like each other. It seems like I don’t see constant “we so in love why what have you heard?!?” Photos so I’m inclined to believe they enjoy eachother in some capacity

  2. BlairBear

    They both should be happy they found a mutually beneficial thing. She wanted to pose for pictures and he wanted her to pose for pictures why should one party be more grateful than the other ?

  3. The Blame Game

    That is a great point, Salty. I like your perspective on it. You’re absolutely right on the money about how they aren’t doing anything. If they were out on the town all the time, being photographed consistently, it would be more suspicious. Lol I think quiet is good for them as she has had a fair bit of addiction rumors following her. He’s had his own issues too. Perhaps they just balance each other out.

  4. There was a womanwho went to prison for “erotic” breast feeding videos.

  5. Sneaky pantsuit

    She was so pretty.

  6. Night love

  7. I know lots of people like white noise but it drives me bonkers. Like if the dryer is going I can’t hear anything else lol. But I can sleep with sirens and traffic.

  8. Sneaky pantsuit

    Realistically, her baby is going to have to chug-a-lug, and her partner is going to be hosed, at that “special’ moment.

  9. That could be interesting. He’s only ever done fictional work.

  10. I guess, she seems really boring though he used to go out and have fun but they never seem to do anything. Usually that’s a sign it’s not for publicity. And being set up by PR doesn’t always mean fake. Brad and Jennifer were set up and encouraged by publicists. Yeah they’re divorced now but we’re together like a decade.

  11. stuffinmuffin

    I have crash bang syndrome…sometimes when I fall asleep I hear loud ass crashing cymbals and it wakes me up. I also hear phantom doorbells in my sleep. I don’t know how many times I’ve answered the damn door after being woken up from a nap by a doorbell that never fucking rang.

  12. You might also enjoy the original series Prisoner on

    youtube…addictive!
    https://www.youtube.com/wat

  13. Clever Moniker

    For some sad creatures, that’s the least of their issues.

  14. runic2627

    Dead Can Dance, and the incredible Lisa…
    https://www.youtube.com/wat

  15. Miagirl1122

    Sorry, I replied above, but don’t feel too scared, my cousin said it was like people whispering to her

  16. Miagirl1122

    One person doing that doesn’t mean doom. I hope.

  17. Miagirl1122

    Haha, yep, my grandparents always had fans going in the summer, and it drove one of my cousins so batty she pretty much lived in the garage. I’ve heard it a few times if the fans were facing each other, like a EEEEEYYYYYYOOOUUUUUUUIIEEEEEEEE kind of sound

  18. runic2627

    My space heater recites Shakespeare.

  19. runic2627

    I guess only they know for sure.

  20. Still squicked out by this chick having sex while breatfeeding. Jesus Christ, western civilisation is so doomed.

  21. The Blame Game

    I totally agree.

  22. The Blame Game

    Okay, so this may seem random, but I need to get you fabulous people’s opinions on something gossip-related. Since 2015, I’ve been hearing nonstop commentary from various sources that Mikey (F)assbender and Alicia Vikander are nothing but a Weinstein PR creation, butttt they are still together. Do you think the rumors are true? Lol No irons in the fire about this as I find him to resemble a strangely sexy reptile and she could be cast as a lead in Newsies.Haha honestly just curious at this point.

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