If while flipping channels you’ve come across heave-inducing shows like Donnie Loves Jenny and another Duck Dynasty spin-off, and figured that A&E has run out of ideas and given up, think again, ho. A&E has given the people what we really need and want: a reality show where Rob Lowe and his sons travel the country investigating paranormal shit and unsolved mysteries. What they should’ve investigated is why A&E gave Rob Lowe a show about paranormal shit. Now that is an unsolved mystery that needs solving.
The title for Rob’s show is The Lowe Files, which is a play on The X-Files, but unlike Mulder and Scully, he and his sons aren’t experts and don’t really know what they’re doing. Rob tells Entertainment Weekly that he and his sons have always wanted to document their search for THEE UNKNOWN, and they were going to do it themselves but decided to pitch it around. Rob describes the tone of their show as Anthony Bourdain blended up with Scooby Doo. You know, if you really did blend up Anthony Bourdain with Scooby Doo and then deep fried that shit, Guy Fieri would happily eat up every bite.
Rob and his sons investigate ghosts and stuff, but he says what really made him prolapse was his encounter with a Sasquatch. No, Rob isn’t talking about the time he was eating lunch at Health Nut in Woodland Hills and witnessed Khloe Kartrashian screaming at an employee for messing up her order. That would terrify me too. Rob says that he saw a real Bigfoot in the Ozarks.
The rest of [what we found I accepted on a] case-by-case basis, but we had an incredible encounter with what locals call the wood ape, which is in the Ozark Mountains. I’m fully aware that I sound like a crazy, Hollywood kook right now.
EW wondered if Rob was genuinely terrified, and he says he thought Bigfoot was going to murder him.
Genuinely terrified? I was lying on the ground thinking I was going to be killed.
The Lowe Files comes out in August and the Sasquatch episode is the show’s finale.
Now I’m not saying that Rob Lowe is lying and that the Sasquatch he saw was really a production assistant in an unauthorized Chewbacca costume they rented from a shop in town, but I am going to say that I have a hard time believing he saw a real Bigfoot. The only Sasquatch expert I trust is former HSOTD Tim Peeler. And if Rob saw a real Sasquatch, he wouldn’t be terrified, because he’d be too busy getting hypnotized by its bewtiful hair blowing in the night wind.
And here’s the opening of The Lowe Files, which looks like a parody that can’t be real.