Kelly Osbourne Pissed Herself And Blamed It On Starbucks

File this under: Information Your Brain Really Needed Today.

Kelly Osbourne marched in NYC’s Pride Parade yesterday and sometime during the afternoon, she had a Detrol commercial moment and had to go, had to go, had to go right then. So Kelly went into a Starbucks to piss and she says the rude ass employees wouldn’t let her use their toilet, so she had no choice but to make like she was Ray J and her shoes were Kim Kartrashian’s ass. She busted a golden showers show and got piss in her shoes.

Sure, you might be thinking that Kelly could’ve just bought a fucking cookie to use the bathroom, but then she wouldn’t have pissed on herself and gotten attention for it by tweeting. And even if she did buy a fucking cookie, she still wouldn’t be able to use the bathroom since that Starbucks doesn’t have one!

Donald Trump is probably spending his day searching through #PissedMyOwnPants on Twitter for some fap material, and it’s all because Kelly Osbourne started that hash tag after Starbucks pissed her off when she pissed herself. Kelly called out Starbucks in a tweet that almost made me piss myself (I took off my house slippers first) from laughing:

Starbucks pissed on Kelly’s claims by saying in a statement to Page Six that there’s no public bathroom at that Starbucks:

“We are working to follow up with Ms. Osbourne to clarify any confusion. There simply is no restroom in this store, and inquiring customers are typically directed to a store a few blocks away. We sincerely apologize for any misunderstanding and hope to welcome Ms. Osbourne back for a beverage on us very soon!”

So wait, all I have to do to get a free drinks from Starbucks (retail value: $55 and your SOUL) is pee pee on myself and then blame it on Starbucks in a tweet? Although… I don’t know if I’d want a free drink from Starbucks after calling their employees “shameful.” Because I have a feeling something in the free latte would be scorned Starbucks barista piss.

Kelly really needs to get herself a Go Girl and an empty water bottle. She also needs to get herself some better friends, because how could they not take a video of her pissing herself and then post it on Instagram for all of us to laugh at? SHAME on THEM for that!

And here’s Pissy Shoes Osbourne at amfAR’s Summer Solstice Party in NYC last week:

Pics: Wenn.com

25 Comments

  1. CaliCheeseSucks

    What an entitled, trashy cunt.

  2. Very appropriate use of gif.

  3. That’s the point of the joke.

  4. Any normal person would be embarassed and not tell anyone. But not Kelly Osbourne, no.

  5. Trash Panda

    Yikes!

  6. HA……thats cold!

  7. She’s like Lena Dunham.
    Not attractive and needy!

  8. Useless spoiled rich kid waste of space with no talents but dying for attention, yeah. And as a gay person I wish F-List people like her would fuck off from Pride parades and making it about themselves.
    Go to college, dumb slore.

  9. Sneaky pantsuit

    I tend to do the same thing, even though I know I would feel better if I just put in a little more effort at hydrating.

  10. violetpills

    This has been vomit-inducing to read.
    I hope a Starbucks barista pisses in her next latte

  11. scandalous

    Cunt…Waddler. You truly have a way with words. Incredible! *standing ovation*

  12. craigypants

    Serves her right for her horrible cover of papa don’t preach. Why is she even famous or relevant anymore? I dont even know what her job is except being a loud mouthed talentless cow.🐂🐽🐘🍸🍼🍋💊😝

  13. Supah nurse

    I wouldn’t want her nasty ass using the toilet at my job.

  14. pamorama_j

    God, she’s annoying.

  15. It tastes burnt.

  16. Kylimayrow

    She looks like that character from AHS. At least “Pepper” had heart and soul. Can’t stand Kelly Osborne, nepotism at its worst.

  17. Farmgal 4

    How in the world did you know I drink Stoli?! It’s seriously kind of creepy that you chose that GIF, because that really is the only liquor I drink. 🍸

  18. Barbra Please

    Has anyone seen Skin Wars? Here Kelly looks and sounds like token ‘spiritual person’ (aka mentally ill person put on reality TV for entertainment purposes), Mythica

    https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  19. Im gona go out on a limb here & guess gossip news keeping her relevant is startin out slow this summer & she did this all for attention cuz her getn stuck in a sample skirt showin off her thin waste & thong for 20min (seriously where was her Mama or BF to help? I’m calling B.S. on this too)…unfortunately and forgot to fact check in which case she would have discovered there is NO public restroom at this location. No offense but cant see her lookin only for a free coffee cuz I for sure wouldnt pee myself let alone for a nasty way over priced burnt bean flavored cafe. Gota love Starbucks sarcastic reply. I just dont buy this peeing herself story. I highly doubt she urinated in her $1000 Lou Vittons(sp)? JMO

  20. If I drink one sip of a water I have to pee these days so Im slightly sympathetic but why the fuck does she have to tweet about it. I assume the employee told her that location had no public restroom so is she just so dumb and desperate for attention she felt the need to call them out because they wouldn’t let her use the employee restroom?

  21. HUH? You can need to pee even after you leave your house?

  22. PhillyKate

    I LOATHE Starbucks

  23. Bunny Rabbit

    Yes, Kelly Osbourne is.

  24. LaChaylo®

    Bitch is always playing a victim. She’s so tiresome. She’s too immature for pull-ups even.

  25. “Who would clean the toilets ” is a terrible thing to say. You won’t change my mind on that. Sorry if having a clean toilet is the only reason this dummy could think of but it’s racist. Like I said before it’s not like Kelly would let it go if it were someone else. She has turned be angry at every perceived injustice into her career. What she said was way worse than not getting to use a nonexistent restroom but she’s fucking outraged by it. I will remember her racist comment and bring it up whenever this idiot feels the need to make huge issues out of small problems.

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