It’s been two and-a-half years since Britain’s Got Talent superstar and former Hot Slut of the Week Susan Boyle has graced the front page of Dlisted, and I wish this long-awaited post was about something positive like her replacing Bette Midler in Hello, Dolly! on Broadway or her replacing Katy Perry as the head judge on American Idol. But this is a sad post that proves for the millionth time that all teenage boys should be banished from civilization and sent to live on a Lord of the Flies-like island, and yes, I say this as a trick who was once a teenage boy who should’ve been sent to live on a Lord of the Flies-like island.
The Mirror says that there’s a gang of teenage ass scabs, aged 16 to 18, who are terrorizing Susan’s neighborhood in Blackburn, West Lothian in Scotland. They have been known to harass Susan’s neighbors and throw bottles at them. They’re also going after Susan, who has Aspergers, and have earned themselves a place on Hell’s Wall of Fame by attacking her on the bus and at the mall.
One neighbor said that when Susan was waiting for the bus, they threw lit paper (yes, lit fucking paper) at her as she cowered and when she got on the bus, they threw rocks at it. They’ve also called her an “old, ugly bitch” as she went into a shopping mall. Another neighbor said that the cops have been called several times, and so far nothing has been done, but neighbors have come to Susan’s defense.
“Since finding fame she has been getting hassle off the youngsters. They go up and down this road. You or I could handle it but with Susan’s condition it makes it harder. It seems to come and go with the youngsters. The other neighbours will chase them off if they see anything.”
Susan’s rep told The Mirror that their story is true and she’s planning to call the cops.
This shitty story is giving me shades of Karen the Bus Monitor, who was verbally abused by a bunch of demonic asshole brats. Karen probably ended up having the last laugh while lying on a beach in the Maldives, because someone started a GoFundMe for her and it brought in over $700,000 in donations. Susan Boyle doesn’t need money, but someone should still start a GoFundMe in response to this terrible story. The GoFundMe money should be used to fly every cat available to West Lothian.
The badassness would immediately seep out of those asshole teenagers’ bodies and they’d cry for their mommies as soon as they saw the army of pissed-off pussies coming to defend their queen!