Michael Phelps Is Going To Race A Shark

The man who scoffs at Aquaman’s tired dog-paddling, Michael Phelps, is so over racing ordinary humans in the pool. For his next trick, the multiple Olympic gold winner is going to RACE A SHARK. And no, it’s not going to require Ryan Lochte taking his dumb ass to Party City to look for a shark costume. We’re talking an actual fins-and-teeth, “GET OUT OF THE WATER!“-type shark.

USA Today reports that, as part of the Discovery Channel’s annual Shark Week, the DUI-collecting merman took on a shark in South Africa. At a panel discussion in New York this week, Michael talked about how much he loves sharks.

“We just got off a plane from South Africa yesterday, we were down there for about a week. That one was fun, doing some stuff with Shark Week and for me, sharks are like my no. 1 favorite animal in the world, being able to see them face to face was pretty cool.”

Michael posted a pic on Instagram of one of the sharks he hung out with gliding casually past a shark cage. Normally, the only “Shark Week” shows I watch are the reenactments of terrifying shark attacks, because it reminds me to never go into the ocean further than ankle-deep. But I kind of want to see this mess. Did they set up two lanes in the ocean? Or did they bring the shark into the YMCA and give him one of those lanes? They probably saved on swim caps.

Here’s the press release from Discovery Channel:

They are one of the fastest and most efficient predators on the planet: Sharks. He is our greatest champion to ever get in the water: Michael Phelps. 39 world records. 23 Olympic golds. But he has one competition left to win. An event so monumental no one has ever attempted it before. The world’s most decorated athlete takes on the ocean’s most efficient predator: Phelps V Shark – the race is on! Produced by Peacock Productions.

What will Michael race next – a speedboat? He’d probably win!

This event may seem ridiculous and will probably be way less exciting than it sounds. Michael’s probably doing it so that “golden showers-loving/panty-wearerrumor will no longer be the first result when you Google “What’s Michael Phelps up to lately?”.

Pic: Instagram

25 Comments

  1. Please tell me I am not alone … I hope he’s wearing these … https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  2. ROFLMAO !!!!!

  3. Doesn’t he have a baby to raise ?

  4. Legs so Fine

    Why ?

  5. Dumb.

    This is the kind of dumb, fame whorey thing one associates with Ryan Lochte. Is Michael that hard up for cash?

  6. LoopyGorilla

    dumb as rocks but he is looking all kinds of awkward hot in that photo. i’ve always being into guys with faces like that, tall lanky dorky hot.
    i would let him swim up my stream.

  7. craigypants

    Stupid and dumb. He wouldn’t last 10 minutes on the Aussie coast.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  8. rotten_egg

    And a shark is, by a million miles, much more attractive than this fugly inbred human oddity. In Arnold schwarzenegger’s timeless one-liner: “what an ugly motherfucker”.

  9. SANS_FARDS

    Here’s what the shark thinks about this idiocy.

    https://c1.staticflickr.com

  10. SANS_FARDS

    He would never! The seagull would win in a landslide.

  11. IchLiebeDanielBruehl

    Oh, the new “Most Interesting Man in the World”…
    https://uploads.disquscdn.c

  12. Frieda Claxton

    If this means they’re going to parade Boomer around in those noise canceling headphones again, I’m in.

  13. Green Is Good

    I wonder if Fonzi will jump the shark?

  14. Ford_Prefect313

    #TeamSeaGull

  15. svetlanabanana

    I sorta met this guy when I was 18. He was fresh off the Beijing Olympics. He was reallllllly drunk and had his medals with him in a duffel bag to show off to girls at the club, lol. His teammates were very nice, though.

  16. ☘️🍀ℱїḓḓℓεÐεεÐεe🍀☘️
  17. Michael for the win!
    …just when you thought it was safe https://pbs.twimg.com/media

  18. Let’s hope the shark eats his ass!

  19. In other news, Ryan Lochte is going to debate a seagull.

  20. VeryOldSyntheticBabyBat

    Hehe

  21. Fabulous Jesus is coming..RUN!

    There goes the entertainment value. 😉

  22. Aurelia Grey

    What a fuc*ing moron! What does he have left to prove? What makes him think it’s a safe or smart thing to do, to swim against a shark? Something’s in life a person simply doesn’t mess with.

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