Beyonce Gave Birth To A Twin Boy And Girl, There’s A “Minor Issue”

I was in my usual place when Beyonce gave birth to a twin boy and girl on Monday in Los Angeles. It’s the place that I’ve been in during this entire pregnancy – on my knees, praying that I might get the chance to touch the hem of their garments at some point in my otherwise empty life.

TMZ is confirming that Bey and husband Jay Z are the parents of twins. Beymajesty and babies are still in the hospital due to a “minor issue” that hasn’t been identified. We can assume it’s because a vintage El Camino wasn’t driven in for her to give birth atop of for art’s sake. She’s not leaving that hospital bed until the situation is rectified.

Sources connected with the family tell us the twins were born Monday in a Los Angeles hospital. We’re told a “minor issue” surfaced, and as a result … doctors do not feel comfortable releasing them.

One source told us Beyonce also remains at the hospital, but as far as we know she’s okay. The babies are expected to be okay as well.

A “source” (probably Matthew Knowles still trying to keep a dog in the race) tells People that the couple is ready to start spreading the news.

“Bey and Jay are thrilled and have started sharing the news with their family and closest friends.”

Earlier this week, the most sorely missed POTUS in history since JFK let slip that Beyonce might have given us twin daughters this week. But he was obviously wrong!

Violet Baby’s Breath Carter and Teal Virginia Creeper Vine Carter (Teal Virginia Creeper Vine will be the evil twin) are a manchild and womanchild who will one day rule the earth! (That will be after they wrest the crown from big sister Blue Ivy.) Those names have not been confirmed because I totally made them up.

But, hopefully the Carters will follow suit and keep the pattern going. You should definitely expect a multimedia name announcement in the coming weeks that will rival that labor-intensive Egyptian fertility goddess/Conan the Destroyer’s pregnant wife number she did with the chair tilt at the Grammys.

Pic: Instagram

25 Comments

  1. Clever Moniker

    No idea, but damn.

  2. craigypants

    Whats she on?

  3. frenchielover

    As The Daily Mail points out, this isn’t the first time 34-year-old Beyoncé’s age has been questioned. 43-year-old Gabrielle Union once said she and 34-year-old Beyoncé have been friends “since they were teenagers,” which doesn’t exactly make sense given their nine-year age difference.

    Other sources say 34-year-old Beyoncé is straight up 41.

    she probably wanted lipo while she was having the c-section. You know those “geriatric” moms better be careful… especially when you have those ivf twins.

  4. Minor issue? Is the surrogate mother having second thoughts? Holding out for more money? Threatening to write a tell-all?

  5. Fake belly + photoshopped.

  6. DAMN.

  7. Ridiculous in what way ? Real or fake ?

  8. Immodest Goddess

    Damn.

    Just…damn.

  9. LoopyGorilla

    prosthetics

  10. LoopyGorilla

    I know right? unbelievable, the first woman ever on earth to do that!!! its a miracle

  11. Original Putas

    She never takes off those damn lace fronts, does she. I understand using them for the stage because styling tools are too much stress on the hair all the time but there she is laying up in the hospital bed with a lace front. Fake heffa.

  12. That’s definitely Blue. It looks just like her. But, there’s no way she’s just a day or two old in that pic.

  13. ☘️🍀ℱїḓḓℓεÐεεÐεe🍀☘️

    🙂

  14. Taffy Lindley

    ‘Minor Issue’ the new code for Mommy Makeover? … Sneaky devil 😀 … Anyways grats to the new Maman and her photo ops

  15. Clever Moniker

    NEVAR FORGET!

    https://youtu.be/RToEUttMLD

  16. Upside-down Flower

    The third picture baby looks like a 3 month old Mexican boy.

  17. “Second lead singer” is one of my favorite Beyonce moments of all time.

  18. They are still annoying.

  19. Let’s hope and pray the babies look nothing like JayZ. On second thought, let’s pray they do. Lol!

  20. The “minor issue” was that the medical staff had to conduct genetic analysis to confirm Bey didn’t give birth to a couple of camels. After rigorous testing, they concluded the babies were human, but unfortunately look 100% like their father.

  21. LoopyGorilla

    Minor issue aka the surrogate wanted more money.

  22. LoopyGorilla

    Babies eyes aren’t that wide freaking open within hours of birth lol
    these two bitches are so fake.

  23. Sneaky pantsuit

    I’ve worked in labor and delivery many years, and have never seen it done. I have had a couple patients ask for it, but the doctor always refused.

  24. Clever Moniker

    Better prosthetic, I’d guess.

  25. Clever Moniker

    I sincerely hope the woman who gave birth is okay, whomever she might be.

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