Kate Beckinsale shared a little story on Instagram yesterday about how when she was 13 years old, she had a crush on Rob Lowe and proposed marriage to him in a fan letter. The year was around 1986, two years before Rob Lowe made that sex tape, so if he really saw a 13-year-old Kate’s letter, he probably would’ve told her to send a pic and if he likes what he sees, he’ll send a car. But instead, Kate says she got a postcard from “Rob Lowe” telling her that he’ll marry her. “Rob Lowe” must’ve used the Hung Like A Pony Express to send the postcard, because he drew a super short dick in the stamp area. If Rob Lowe was really a romantic, he would’ve rolled his peen on a stamp pad and slapped the postcard with it.
I almost bought that Rob Lowe really sent that postcard until I remembered that a dick drawing doesn’t count as a stamp. I’ve tried that trick before. Kate pretty much outed herself as “Rob Lowe” by writing this caption:
“EITHER I was a really tragic 13 year old with time on my hands OR Rob Lowe was all kinds of casual proposing marriage via a postcard of himself, signing his last name AND drawing a dick instead of using a stamp.(found at my mum’s house).”
Here’s a close-up of that dick stamp:
Kate pretending to be Rob Lowe in a fan letter response brought back painful childhood memories for me. (Yes, I’ve told this story before and I’ll probably tell it again because it was traumatizing!) When I was a little gay, I wrote a fan letter to Cyndi Lauper and dropped it in the mail. “Cyndi Lauper” immediately wrote me back (like within hours) with a beautiful letter. I learned then that it’s humanly possible to shit a rainbow, because that’s exactly what I did. My sister’s friend asked me about the letter and when I told her about it all giddy-like, she laughed in my face. The evil bitch wrote it herself! She tricked me and broke my little gay heart while stomping on my hopes and dreams. A while ago, I saw her at a grocery store near my mom’s house. She was wearing fur-lined Crocs. I’m not joking. I told myself then that we were even. Karma got her ass by giving her shit taste in shoes.
And here’s Kate’s teen crush in L.A. the other day: