He has a new album already? Didn’t he just drop a concept album about the CN Tower? Drake debuted a new playlist yesterday called “More Life.” It’s got a whole bunch of new tracks and he admits to drunk-texting ex-girlfriend Jennifer Lopez in one of them. It turns out that JLo immediately changed her number after she ended things with Drizzy and his wheelchair. Ugly sweaters – out of phone and out of mind!
The Toronto rapper, 30, kicked off his latest project with a shout-out to his ex Jennifer Lopez on the opening track, “Free Smoke.” Hinting that he doesn’t have his former flame’s current phone number, he raps, “I drunk text J.Lo / Old number, so it bounce back.”
Here’s my version [To the tune of “Hotline Bling“]: “I used to drunk text you on your cell phone/but you don’t need my love/cuz’ you on them puffy pecs now“
Jenny Blocked His Cock obviously did a number on Drake, because he sampled one of her songs (via Complex) in another of his new ones, but then he replaced her (giant) ass on another one.
It appears Drake had Lopez, 47, on his mind throughout the recording sessions for More Life. Later in the playlist, he samples her 1999 debut single, “If You Had My Love,” on the aptly-titled “Teenage Fever.”
However, many fans were disappointed when they found out J.Lo was not among the artists featured on Drake’s new project. Shortly after going public with their romance last December, the former couple teased an unreleased collaboration while dancing at a winter wonderland-themed “prom” in Los Angeles. The song, titled “Get It Together,” did make it onto More Life, but Lopez’s vocals were replaced with those of the up-and-coming British singer Jorja Smith. (Ouch!)
JLo is currently comparing cup sizes with A-Rod in tropical locales, so don’t expect her to care. Maybe she can appease him with a guest-spot as a wheelchair rapper on that terrible “Shades of Blue” program.
Drake’s a bore but his album cover for Visions brought me back to the time I visited Toronto. Did you non-Canadians know that the tower, which is 1,500 ft. tall, has a glass floor at the very top? And you can walk around on it? And it’s the most terrifying thing you’ll ever do? I caught a case of the vapors when the Other Mr. Harvey made me gingerly tip-toe out onto it. Moms are rolling baby carriages out there while their fat children are jumping up and down on it while I’m crawling back to the edge sobbing and waiting to plunge to my death. Allison should have warned me about the terrors that await you in Canada.
You can listen to the ballad of Drizzy and JLo here.