Prime Minister Justin Trudeau Once Got An Elementary School Beat-Down By Matthew Perry

Matthew Perry, who is a Canadian person, appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night, and he told what might be the most 80s Canadian schoolyard fight story this side of that time in 3rd grade when two of my classmates threw down like hockey enforcers at recess over a stolen Corey Hart cassette.

Matthew went to the same rich kid elementary school as the current Prime Minister of Canada, hot meaty slice of tourtiere Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. Justin’s dad was Prime Minister at the time (Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau) and Matthew’s mom was a press secretary to PM Trudeau.

If Matthew was a little older, he might have known it’s not a good idea to wail on a kid who is the son of the Prime Minister as well as the son of your mom’s boss. But Matthew was in 5th grade. Matthew told Jimmy Kimmel that one day while playing sports, he and a friend got jealous of Justin and beat him up, rich kid-style. Which I believe begins by popping the collars on their polo shirts and asking their butlers to hold their lacrosse stick.

This would normally be where I’d yell “REMATCH!!“, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. For one, Justin is too busy hanging out with his newest fan club member Ivanka Trump to schedule a fight. Second, because grown up Justin Trudeau is buff and knows his way around a pair of boxing gloves. Justin could lay Matthew’s ass down in about 10 seconds. Not to mention that it’s a fight Matthew could never possibly win. If Justin’s fists don’t knock him out, one look into his dreamy soul-melting eyes will.

Here’s more of Matthew (with special appearance by Katie Holmes) at the premiere of The Kennedys After Camelot in Los Angeles last night.



  1. ellystripes

    Ugh. If true, what a douche.

  2. Tits 4 Tats

    Psst…I think I hear your mom calling you to come up out of the basement. She says your meatloaf is ready.

  3. Tits 4 Tats

    I’m a socialist and I’m happier than you ever will be. Now sod off, ponce.

  4. Tits 4 Tats


  5. Tits 4 Tats


  6. Heathen the Horrible

    I detest Vancouver. Not as much as anything in Alberta though…. For real, I love the architecture and the vibe of Ottawa. It’s like if the US and Europe had a baby that they let the nanny raise it. Quebec City is really pretty, but I wasn’t all that impressed with Montreal.

  7. He’s ugly af

  8. CountChoculuh

    That’s good to know. I might have questions for you later about cool sculpting. : )

  9. Riverwoman

    The Prime Minister of Canada https://uploads.disquscdn.c… is so fucking hot!!!! And the President of Mexico is muy caliente. And we’re stuck looking at Trump’s face for 4 years.

  10. Spaz de la Whoreta

    This fucker. Since Friends, he’s been in about 245 different tv series. I know he had some sort of drug issue in the middle of Friends, but surely he didn’t spend all of the fucking 100 million plus residuals. Go the fuck away, dude, go the fuck away.

  11. Marisa Ptomaine


  12. Matthew Perry is the WORST.

  13. Funinthesun

    But ya gotta leave your guns at home!

  14. Funinthesun

    West coast is a different world from east. Couldn’t pay me to live east of BC!

  15. raincoaster

    I never knew Perry was posh. I always figured him as boring suburban middle class.

  16. frenchielover

    no neck Perry

  17. Yes, & Trudeau (my PM) enjoys his chemical peels.

  18. It’s not televised. It’s just an instagram sponsored picture ad like how that Kardashians do it. It’s embarrassing.

  19. Firey Crash

    Is it as bad as Katherine Hegil’s kitty litter ads? Tre’ horrible!

  20. I agree his face ain’t all that. He’s kind of a butterface.

  21. Speaking of Katie Holmes, her new Swiffer sponsored ad on her instagram is cringe. What a fall from grace.

  22. IchLiebeDanielBruehl

    My first thought!

  23. Ha, I’ve definitely suffered worse. And gurrrrl, that was almost 15 years ago but I’ll still take it, so thanks!

  24. Ottowa?! Really?! I guess you’ve never been to Montreal, Vancouver, Toronto or anywhere cool?

  25. Meh, surgery wouldn’t help anything, he’d still be unhealthy

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *