Mischa Barton’s lawyer Lisa Bloom is the daughter of Gloria Allred, and as everybody knows by now, Gloria Allred is known for her legendary press conferences. Well, like mother, like daughter. Lisa too holds press conferences with her celebrity clients. And yesterday, she held one to talk about how she plans to track down the evil doers behind Mischa Barton’s sex tape. Lisa is going to bring them to their knees and make them scream for their mommy as they gouge their own eyes out because they can’t take her blazing glare of rage. Once again, Lisa Bloom is Liam Neeson in Taken and Liam Neeson in Taken is Lisa Bloom. Don’t fuck with her.
Hacked pictures of Amanda Seyfried, Emma Watson and Annaleigh Tipton have ended up on the internet, but Mischa’s sex tape isn’t a part that. Mischa says that her ex-boyfriend, Jon Zacharias, recorded her having sex with him and also took pictures of her in the shower. Mischa says she didn’t know he was recording her and so she never gave him the okay to do it. The tape is on the porn auction block at a starting price of $500,000.
Mischa filed a police report and also got two restraining orders, one against Jon and the other against Adam Shaw. Adam was a friend of Jon’s and he dated Mischa for a minute after she broke up with Jon. While she was dating Adam, she says he told her that Jon secretly recorded her. Mischa claims that Adam made copies of the videos and pictures and tried to erase them from Jon’s computer.
Mischa says that Jon only dated her because she’s famous. And Adam also turned out to be a dried butt maggot of a person. She says Adam forged her signature on checks. The joke must’ve been on Adam when those checks bounced like Tigger on meth.
The judge granted the restraining orders against Jon and Adam. Jon and Adam must stay away from Mischa and they’ve been ordered not to show, sell or give away any videos and pictures of her. Mischa told reporters that she came forward and isn’t only fighting for herself. She’s also fighting for other women who are going through the same mess she is.
This Mischa Barton sex tape saga has made my mind put on a Von Dutch trucker hat and time travel back to 2006 to remember all of the Hollywood messes of that time. I was reminded that Mischa dated both Brandon “Greasy Bear” Davis and Cisco “Long Balls” Adler. I’m surprised that neither of those douches tried to sell a sex tape starring her. And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to put a bag of frozen peas on my eye. I got a black eye just from thinking about (WARNING: Put on safety goggles before clicking that link) Cisco’s saggy huevos swinging around in a sex tape.
Pic: ABC News