Kim Kardashian Ko-Signs Kunty Karl’s Thoughts About Her Getting Robbed

 

Kunty Karl can’t physically cry, but if he could, he wouldn’t shed one tear about Kim Kardashian reportedly getting robbed at gunpoint by jewel thieves. Karl basically told reporters after his Chanel show that when you drink Don Perignon around Three Buck Chuck drinkers, you shouldn’t be surprised when one of them snatches your crystal champagne flute out of your hand. A spokesperson for the Paris police department also hit our eyeballs with a giant DUX (that’s French for “duh,” I checked) by saying that Kim was targeted by alleged thieves because she’s famous, rich and flashed her diamonds all over social media. Pimp Mama Kris, I mean, a family source, tells People that Kim isn’t blaming her pimp mom for choosing that one night to not have cameras on her. Kim is blaming herself.

Since true crime docu-series are so in right now, I fully expect E! to do a 10-part investigative series about The Kartrashian Jewel Kaper, and when they do, there will be a well lit scene where Kim blames herself for why her finger no longer has that $4 million ring on it. As the police throw suspicious eyes at the concierge and check surveillance footage from a nearby security camera, Kim is making plans to pull back on her public appearances and social media shit:

“Kim’s in shock and blaming herself. She’s tearing herself up that she Snapchatted the ring so much and wore it all the time. This incident is making her question everything. How she dresses, what she does. Kanye wants to buy her the ring again but she just says she doesn’t want to think about it. He says he wants everything to go back to normal and for the incident to not affect their lives.

“This scared everyone. They’re not taking chances …. It was a really scary situation for the entire family and it’s just not worth it to put themselves out there unnecessarily right now. [She will have] a much heavier security team. There will be a focus on security personal who aren’t in traditional clothing. There will be a lot more undercover security.”

So instead of doing 25 pap walks and posting 3,500 selfies a day, she’s going to do 24.5 pap walks and post 3,499 selfies a day. And I believe that Kim doesn’t want Kanye to buy her another $4 million ring. She probably wants him to buy her a $400 million ring that’s so heavy she’ll need a team of little bodybuilders to hold up her arm and hand as she walks. Thieves will have a shit of a time trying to steal that ring since a forklift isn’t exactly inconspicuous.

And here’s some thrilling pictures of Kanye dressed like a Yeezy-fied Jedi outside of his free Airbnb in NYC yesterday:

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

 

 

25 Comments

  1. SexxyManatee

    that is unusual for someone who claims to have gotten into shape by eating well and working out…

  2. jelliebeanier

    ssssssssizzzle!!

  3. Charlie Hunnam's butt

    hahahaha Since the Kardashians are adding/cutting /pasting different versions of the story, people are coming out with some hilarious stories, like Joanne the scammer did it, and was used by Amber Rose to get back at Kim!

    you can’t trust a natural blond named Scarlet!

    <div style=”padding:8px;”> <div style=” background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50.0% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;”> <div style=” background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAABGdBTUEAALGPC/xhBQAAAAFzUkdCAK7OHOkAAAAMUExURczMzPf399fX1+bm5mzY9AMAAADiSURBVDjLvZXbEsMgCES5/P8/t9FuRVCRmU73JWlzosgSIIZURCjo/ad+EQJJB4Hv8BFt+IDpQoCx1wjOSBFhh2XssxEIYn3ulI/6MNReE07UIWJEv8UEOWDS88LY97kqyTliJKKtuYBbruAyVh5wOHiXmpi5we58Ek028czwyuQdLKPG1Bkb4NnM+VeAnfHqn1k4+GPT6uGQcvu2h2OVuIf/gWUFyy8OWEpdyZSa3aVCqpVoVvzZZ2VTnn2wU8qzVjDDetO90GSy9mVLqtgYSy231MxrY6I2gGqjrTY0L8fxCxfCBbhWrsYYAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;”></div></div>

    Just stole over 200k in jewels and now we’re on our way to kfc. @amberrose let’s chat later babe..

    A photo posted by Branden miller (@iambranden) on <time style=” font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;” datetime=”2016-10-02T02:22:14+00:00″>Oct 1, 2016 at 7:22pm PDT</time>

    </div>

    <script async=”” defer=”” src=”//platform.instagram.com/en_US/e…“></script>

  4. What the hell is she wearing? She’s rich! She doesn’t have to do that!

  5. Exactly. I’ve seen worse but mostly people not caring what happens to her without being specific.

  6. Of course the plastic whore blames herself because it didn’t happen. She’s just thrilled to get attention from Kunty Karl. Choupette’s not ammused.

  7. Mary Stonehouse

    You bring up great points. Pascal has been Kim’s bodyguard for a long time, that family of liars, will throw anyone under suspicion, to take the heat off of Kim’s multitude of lies!

  8. I feel the same. It’s sickening. That app is raking it in as well. You know that shoe commercial for $39.99, bitch is part of that as her company Shoe Dazzle merged with JustFab. It’s how she got to $150M net worth. Of course the money men manage things not stupid Kim.

  9. jelliebeanier

    Thank you, Petty! TAB! is my new aKronym for that cow!

  10. Dorkasaurus Rex

    She always looks like she has a wig on
    Thats why you dont remove your baby hairs you cum bucket

  11. It’s really shitty that they’re throwing Pascal under the bus. Do they not realize he’s the Kardashians employee, meaning he goes where they tell him to? Do they really think Kim begged him to stay that night and he said, “nah, Imma hit up the club with Kourtney and Kendall.:? He was gone because Kim and Kris needed him out the way for this fake robbery stunt.

  12. Put. Your. Knockers. Away. You. Unsavoury. Sow.

  13. Dirk's Vinegar Tits

    They can start being more private right now by not issuing statements about how they’re going to cut back on social media and upping security.
    Just go the fuck away. Nobody cares and nobody will miss you, Kumdumpster Koven.

  14. I have no idea if nothing was stolen or not. At this point, it could have gone either way. Still, regardless, I couldn’t care less if she was robbed and threatened.

  15. Oh look, someone stole her top!

    Call the gendarmes!

  16. Mary Stonehouse

    Already Pascal, Kim’s longtime bodyguard, is being thrown under suspicion by the Daily Mail, another paid for mouthpiece of the Kardashian family.

  17. Not sure what your point is, but my point is that this woman lives in such an altered reality that she fails to comprehend that actions have consequences. For example, most women who have nice jewelry usually only wear it on special occasions. They rarely travel with their best stuff. Why? Because they know that what they have might be worth stealing, that’s why. And they also know that people are robbed every single day.
    Kim Kardashian not only wears expensive stuff constantly, she FLAUNTS it. Takes vanity pictures of it. Shoves it in people’s faces. One ring worth ten million dollars? You’d better bet that there are thieves who are looking to take that off of your hands, but because she lives in such an altered reality she probably assumed that she would never face any consequences for such tacky carelessness. She was wrong and she is LUCKY that she got away with her life.

  18. crazyassmom

    I like that one sometimes. But I LIVE for “The Royals”!!!

  19. Yep, and they’ll quietly trade it in for another with a jeweler who will keep his mouth shut.

  20. Amen, and you’d think given how badly Kim is getting trashed on the Internet that she’d put a picture out there as proof this shit actually went down. If she really escaped zip ties and duct tape her wrists would be raw and lacerated. So where’s the evidence?

  21. my left ear hurts

    “There will be a focus on security personal who aren’t in traditional clothing.”

    So the security guy (who wasn’t there) is to blame because of what he was wearing? Riiight.

    Time to find another job, Pascal – you about to be hit by a huge ass bus.

  22. It really is. I think the stones start to look costumey and cheap once they get past a certain size. Especially when a trashy skank like Kim is wearing them.

  23. parissucksliterally

    I still don’t see how you don’t comprehend that nothing was stolen, and she was never in any danger.

    Other than that, I agree with your comment.

  24. Mary Stonehouse

    Now, Kim and her family is throwing Pascal, her longtime bodyguard under suspicion!

  25. Charlie Hunnam's butt

    and that’s why I would never work for people like her. They cannot be trusted.

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