Angela Kardashian Has Almost Kompleted Her Initiation Into The Koven By Posing Naked On Paper

Paper Magazine and Kim Kartrashian covered our eyeballs with a thick greasy skid mark about a year and a half ago, and around 5 months ago, Kylie Jenner got her own terrifying cover, which made all of us reach for our rosaries. It was time for another member of that koven of fame whores (or in this case, a soon-to-be member) to take the cover. Surprisingly, Pimp Mama Kris didn’t try to outdo her hos by posing naked, greased-up and spread-eagled on the cover of September’s Paper. (That will probably be on the cover of Paper’s annual Unholy Issue in December.) Blac Chyna did the cover instead.

Blac Chinet is currently knocked up with the next Kardashian spawn who they hope will carry on the family’s legacy of making the most while doing the least. And since no knocked-up Kartrashian would ever not consider pimping their bump out by posing naked in a magazine, Blac Chinet posed naked in Paper.

I gave this post the “Photoshop Awards” tag, but I don’t even know if this is a work of Photoshop. That cover looks like an airbrushed van mural as seen through a Snapchat filter. If you took a Venus of Willendorf figurine and dipped it in melted plastic, dropped Barbie’s scalped hair on its head and covered it with floral wall stencils, it would look like that cover.

Thanks to this cover, I’m sure that Wite Chyna (aka Kylie Jenner) is currently at a Goodyear where the mechanics are pumping more hot air into her ass, belly button, tits and lips, so she can she recreate this shit tomorrow. Thanks, Paper and Blac Chyna! And I was going to make fun of Blac Chyna for doing the same dead-eyed baby doll face in every single picture, but I won’t. It must be really hard to contort your mug into different facial expressions when you’ve got 3 tubes of liquid nails in there.

Pics: Charlotte Rutherford/Paper


  1. Look at the dude looking up all hypnotized and shit .that mess is supposed to be appealing .nasty garbage booty .

  2. I just threw up in my mouth.

  3. yeah that is just really disturbing

  4. I agree. I have a naturally large chest and Im afraid to even get them reduced cuz Ive seen what some women who got theirs reduced look like. Its bad. Like the fat that the body naturally wanted to put in the breast tissue now has no where to go so it just redeposits in the arms. Just so weird. Ill just stick with what god gave me. Maybe after I have a few kids and the girls are hanging as low as Lohan’s Ill opt for a lift to make them look as close to 25 again, but that’s about it.

  5. 🙂

  6. This picture burned my retinas.

  7. WTF is that thing on her head? Is this a snapchat filter?? You gotta make sure it lines up on your face first, sweetie.

  8. Black China is revolting.

  9. No worries, I didn’t take it that way. It was one of those first adult decisions, like getting a tattoo (I didn’t). The scar did hurt while pregnant, but it didn’t look like that, above. Things I should have known! And my hubs would prob agree with that 😉

  10. Luck be a Lady

    Corn chip nail tips!

  11. I don’t understand why people do that to themselves. Without all that extra injectables she probably would have a lovely figure, nice hips and an ass that suits her frame.
    Don’t play around with what you were born with.

  12. Dolly Pardon Me

    Why did they airbrush out her cheek piercing holes but left the navel piercing holes on the focal point of the picture?

  13. I agree (and let everyone make decisions about their own body). Mostly I’m just happy to see different body types in the media.

  14. Lionel Bitchie

    I have nothing nice to say about this. Paper mag used to be interesting, are they on the PMK payroll now?

  15. I want to see what’s under that wig. She’s so thirsty and got in with Rob, I don’t believe for a second she cares about him. What he sees in her I have no idea.

  16. Darlene Conner

    Moroccan Sands Chyna.

  17. She was. She just looks bizarre now.

  18. Something nice: the photography is nice, disregarding the weird looking plastic surgery. I’m just saying it’s not terrifying like KY’s picture

  19. I’m really concerned/distracted at the way her thighs crease, like where the thighs meet the body. It looks super wrong.

  20. 2010 face Kim was a beauty.

  21. I sort of think the Koven bought this mag and use it to show off glamour shots

  22. Rob is no prize himself by any means. Looks like they deserve each other.

  23. Maybe if she looked like Squidward Tentacles, but Squiddy is my spirit animal so I just offended myself.

  24. Not THAT Jabba!

  25. The cover photo looks like she went to sit down on a stool and … enveloped it … in a crevice or orifice.

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